Mel's Mindless Musings...

Tired

2012-01-13T22:49:00.001-05:00

I feel drained. Mentally, emotionally, and physically, drained is the only way to describe me right now.

It has been an interesting few weeks in my marriage. I had a recent death in my extended family. I'm trying to figure out what God has next for me as far as my career goes. I haven't exercised in weeks (other than walking to and from work which I don't count). Put all of this together and you get burnout.

I pray that things get better quickly.

Game Night Quotes

2012-01-09T11:41:00.001-05:00

"Thank God it's not a math game..."

"SPOONS!!!!"

"Boomerang"

"Hmmm, hmm, hmm..." "Based on that, I'd say Indiana Jones?"

"Hurry" "Curry!" "YOU CAN'T DO THAT!!!"

Thanks for the laughs everyone!

"Boring" Christianity

2011-08-17T06:35:00.005-04:00

That Dude leaves for work around 5:30 in the morning. Usually I wake up just enough to groggily kiss him goodbye. Then, sometime between 5:30 and 6 ChocolateChip will let me know that it's time for some more "Mama Milk". Usually this is when I pull out my laptop and catch up on blogs/facebook/twitter/whatever project I've dreamed up and *needs* researching. This morning I was reading a post (click here to read the whole post) by Pete Wilson of Crosspoint Church in Tennessee which prompted me to comment the following:

Until very recently I defined myself through others' eyes (ok, who am I kidding, God is still working on this in me). Lately though, I've had an opportunity to understand some of the "boring" things that God has called me to do, like be a good mom/wife/daughter/sister/friend. And if I'm going to be completely honest, when I look at that list alone, I feel like I need a nap without ever flying off to some exotic place without bathrooms and limited electricity. It's not that there is anything WRONG with doing missions work. I would love to bring the message of Jesus to the nations someday. It's just that right here and now I'm specifically coming to terms with the reality that while some of my friends are going to South America on what seems like a quarterly basis, there is nothing wrong (and everything right) with me staying home and taking care of my little one.

Right now, I'm reminded that sometimes, especially when trying to fill some of the mentioned roles, I forget that one of my favorite scriptures is Colossians 3:23-24 "And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ." How easy it is to be annoyed when my husband tells me that the baby needs a diaper change instead of doing it himself, or to feel unfulfilled when friends are posting pics from the latest church missions trip and I'm at home nursing my little one (on a side note, this is one reason that it's important to surround yourself with people in a similar place in life as you, but that's a post for another time.)

This really was the perfect way to begin my day. It has changed my entire perspective about our playdate this afternoon and my role as a mom and a nanny. I'm off to save the world (or maybe to change a diaper). Have a happy Tuesday!

Two teeth...

2011-08-08T17:48:00.003-04:00

I just need to post to remind myself forever that I once had a baby boy with only two teeth (he's had only the bottom two for months now!) I just peeked in his mouth and noticed that he has FOUR white spots in his gums on the top!!

My baby is growing too quickly!

FICTION: Stay at Home Moms Have it Easy

2011-08-02T21:19:00.004-04:00

Having been on both ends of this spectrum (well, kinda, since I'm technically NOT a stay at home mom since I do work as a nanny during the day) I must say that being "at home" with Chocolate Chip doesn't always make my life easier than it was for the few months that I went back to work after my maternity leave.

A few things that I thought would be easier (or didn't think about at all):

-I don't necessarily save money on breakfast and lunch since I'm so busy with the kids and sometimes I end up just running out and buying something, whereas when I worked in the office, I was MUCH better about making sure I'd bring lunch to work with me.

-There isn't "plenty" of time to clean up, especially since Chocolate Chip has now decided that the most interesting toys/books/etc are those that Mama has JUST put away on the shelf! Also, since I nanny until 7pm (or 7:30... or 8...) I barely have any time at all to clean at my house!

-Spending all day every day with Chocolate Chip really can wear me down, especially now that he requires SO MUCH attention as his curiosity has him doing things like climbing and putting rocks in his mouth...

-Money doesn't balance out just because I'm home and am able to cut certain things out of the budget. Somebody should have warned me about this, but I REALLY didn't cut out as much as I expected!

Would I make the same decision knowing all that I know? Absolutely! But I definitely see things differently now that I'm in this boat!

Getting to Know Puck

2011-06-10T02:47:00.001-04:00

Chocolate Chip has gone from climbing on top of me and crying when he sees cats, to venturing out to actually touch one by himself!

I still think this particular cat is pretty gross, but at least my little man isn't afraid anymore!

9 months old

2011-06-10T02:44:00.001-04:00

Things I want to remember:

-You still have only 2 teeth (and think biting Mama is an olympic event!)
-You touched the cat!
-You will (sometimes) play "mimi" (sleep)
-You have a sign for "up" and use it regularly!
-You love to eat Club Crackers
-You are very social, but usually want Mama to hold you
-You are suddenly able to "run away" (crawl)
-You LOVE Papi (my grandfather) and quite enjoyed his nightly visits
-You still love Mama Milk!

Sometimes I Feel This Sleepy!

2011-04-28T14:44:00.001-04:00

Six Word Saturday

2011-04-16T06:00:00.000-04:00

"When will I get a break?"

I love my son and husband dearly, but sometimes I wish That Dude would just take ChocolateChip off of my hands for a bit so that I could get things done with BOTH hands and a bit more focus. I don't want to go out and party, I just need a free moment (other than at 2am) to work on stuff from two of the three jobs that I currently hold (is that too much to ask for?) Le Sigh...

The View Here...

2011-04-12T10:39:00.004-04:00

It seems that I've almost got two toddlers on my hands!

Chocolate Chip is 7 Months Old!

2011-04-09T16:04:00.001-04:00

Every month I intend to write and let life keep me too busy, but this month I've decided to never again let life's craziness come before you. That being said, I've spent 90% of this month with you... Almost every waking moment in fact. How did I manage that you ask? I listened to God and quit my office job (well, for the most part) to be at home with you and now you and I go to Stella's house everyday and take care of her together. I pray that you have quickly forgotten a time when things were very different.

If I felt bad for going to work and missing things, you have quickly made me feel better with all of the new things that you have done since I've been at home! You "give me kisses" (actually I put my cheek to your lips and you just blue air) now, and it excites me every time! I was blessed to see you go from lying on your belly to a sitting position for the first time and now you're almost a pro at it. You also shocked me by watching Stella enough times to figure out how to pull yourself to standing in the crib! We started solid foods this month and so fast you've had:
-Rice Cereal (INDIFFERENT)
-Peas (HATE)
-Pears (LOVE)
-Bananas (LOVE)
-Carrots (Hate)

No More Carrots!

2011-04-09T15:58:00.001-04:00

This is Ethan on day 3 of testing carrots for allergic reaction. I think he's ready for a new food!

Good Morning!

2011-03-04T00:04:00.001-05:00

This is one of the first things I saw upon opening my eyes this morning.

I couldn't have asked for a better wake up call ever!

Posted by Mel via Blogaway

I Don't Want to Forget...

2011-03-04T00:03:00.001-05:00

...the way you smile first thing in the morning

...the way that you like me kissing your hand as you nurse

...the way that you try to eat my hands when I attempt to teach you signs

...how exciting it is (for both of us) each time you roll over, even though you've pretty much mastered it at this point

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1 Week and Counting

2011-03-03T21:19:00.001-05:00

Exactly one week from today I'll be starting my new life as a nanny/quasi-stay at home mom (I won't be staying at my own home, but I will be with Chocolate Chip everyday.)

Posted by Mel via Blogaway

Six Word Saturday

2011-02-26T23:50:00.000-05:00

Spending time with the Gomez family!

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Just Venting

2011-02-25T09:43:00.000-05:00

I feel so emotional this morning. I found at least ten things to frustrate me about That Dude this morning. I cried when it was time to leave for work. I burst into tears again on the train for no apparent reason. It's one of those days when I wish I could just curl up in bed and sleep all day. I'm trying to pray but it's so difficult. And I don't understand where any of this came from, I got a good night's sleep, I woke up once in the middle of the night and prayed over That Dude and Chocolate Chip, and when I woke up this morning I even had some time to pray before getting out of bed.

Ugh! I can't stand this feeling!

Sorry for all of the negativity. :-(

At Least SOMEONE Here is Sleeping Well...

2011-02-21T08:59:00.000-05:00

Even though he has his own bed, he always ends up in bed with us somehow, and he obviously needs his space!

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Good Morning!

2011-02-19T10:11:00.002-05:00

This is one of the first things I saw upon opening my eyes this morning.

I couldn't have asked for a better wake up call ever!

Posted by Mel via Blogaway

2 Weeks Notice

2011-02-17T21:25:00.001-05:00

Two weeks from today I'll begin my new job as a nanny for six month old S (bloggy name will be established soon). After 4 1/2 years at the Centro it was not an easy decision to make, and I know that the days will come when I miss the office dynamics, but I eagerly look forward to playdates and play dough for awhile - oh, did I fail to mention that Chocolate Chip will be tagging along with me? Yes, I'm finally living out my dream of being at home with my baby boy! I'm sure this will be an adventure, but I'm looking forward to facing it head on!

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Married Conversation

2011-02-17T21:24:00.001-05:00

That Dude: "Can BFF come over tonight?"

Me: "And if I say no are you going to tell him to go home?"

TD: SILENCE

Me: "He can come over."

TD (away from phone): "She said you can stay!"

Posted by Mel via Blogaway

My First King Cake

2011-02-13T11:32:00.002-05:00

One of the perks of having my new co-worker be a former resident of Louisiana...

...she has friends who send her *King Cake* (link)

Posted by Mel via Blogaway

Happy 5 Months Chocolate Chip!

2011-02-02T11:17:00.001-05:00

Let me begin by apologizing for not writing to you every month. I've had a few drafts, but somehow they never seem to get completed and the next thing I know, you're a month older!

That being said, I'm the very proud mom of a 5 month old today! As per Dr. H at your appointment last week, you weigh 16 pounds and are 26 inches long (I was guessing you'd be heavier since my left arm hurts so much lately!) And you seem to be doing new things every week lately!

You can finally pull your arm out from under you when you roll from back to tummy which is very exciting.

You have found your voice and will sporadically scream for no apparent reason.

You are still a champion at nursing and Mama loves our moments together when it's feeding time.

You've developed a great laugh, but you seem to reserve that for close family and will not laugh in command no matter how hard Mama and Daddy try. You do however smile pretty easily for people who you deem worthy.

And my favorite part of this past month is that you know that pouting your arms straight up in the air will almost always get Mama or Daddy to pick you up!

I'm so grateful for you Chocolate Chip and, now that I've come to terms with the fact that you really are my kid and that this parenting thing really is a 24 hour a day/7 day a week job, I think I'll keep you!

Just Lounging

2011-01-11T12:22:00.001-05:00

*Please excuse my brevity and any typos as this message was sent from my Verizon Android phone and this thing has a mind of its own.*

Project 365???

2010-12-30T07:09:00.000-05:00

So, two of my resolutions for the new year are to blog regularly and pull out my scrapbooking stuff more often, put those together with my inspiration from Jessica Turner and it looks like I'll be starting my very own Project 365!

I think it'll be interesting (to me at least) to see what in the world I come up with!

Happy Aniversary to Mr. Mel!

2010-12-19T00:00:00.000-05:00

Dear That Dude,

One year ago we took the biggest (conscious) leap of our lives. This year hasn't been all rainbows and butterflies, but I wouldn't trade any of our experiences for anything in the world.

I'm sorry that I didn't live up to my promise of you having your Camaro by the end of our first year, but (I think) what I DID give you is much better!

You are more than deserving of my respect and you have shown me that over and over in both the awesome and the difficult moments.

Thank you for helping me to learn more about you as a person, the meaning of true love, and so much about myself (and thank you for your patience along the way!)

I look forward to the many happy years ahead of us.

I love you F+1.

-Mel

P.S. - We made it through the first year! Where are all of the haters and naysayers now?!

I forgot...

2010-11-09T12:00:00.000-05:00

...my office keys...
...my cell phone charger...
...Kotex (just got my first postnatal period)...
...my adapter for my breast pump!

Not sure where my head was at this morning, but I just want to turn around and go back home!!

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

I Couldn't Have Said it Better Myself!

2010-10-24T22:29:00.001-04:00

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."
-St. Augustine

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Laundry Help

2010-10-18T19:45:00.001-04:00

He was cold, the clothes were warm and... BAM! Easy solution!

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Sleepy Baby

2010-09-28T01:14:00.001-04:00

Daddy's snoring must be white noise because he was terribly fussy until That Dude fell asleep and started snoring (loudly!) LOL.

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The Photos Are In!!!!!!

2010-08-26T23:42:00.000-04:00

The First of Our Maternity Photos is In!!

2010-08-25T14:24:00.001-04:00

Our awesome photographer posted this pic on Facebook. I absolutely love it and can't wait to see the rest!! We LOVE you Jenn!

Overload of Love

2010-08-25T14:19:00.006-04:00

I am so blessed by my church family! They have helped to ease my anxiety about the changes that are about to come. CityLight Church, That Dude and I are so grateful for you!!

Not Me! Monday

2010-08-23T11:00:00.001-04:00

I did NOT just realize last night that a baby gift that we received two weeks ago isn't in our house! I will NOT have to call That Dude's aunt today to ask if we left the gift at her house.

I did NOT eat 4 cinnamon donuts and a white powdered one in 3 days. I also DIDN'T have chocolate chip cookies AND homemade chocolate cake at my babyshower yesterday! I have optimal eating habits and would NEVER consume that much sugar in such a short time!

What HAVEN'T you done lately?
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

2010-08-19T16:01:00.002-04:00

"I won't be made useless, I won't be idle with despair, I will gather myself around my faith, For light does the darkness most fear" (Jewel - "My Hands")
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My 1st Babyshower

2010-08-18T16:57:00.008-04:00

That Dude has some awesome (just like family) friends who put together a small babyshower for us recently. We love you guys and can't thank you enough!

3rd Trimester Sleepiness

2010-08-18T15:43:00.004-04:00

Yup... That's how I feel at work everyday lately. I think it's almost time for Chocolate Chip to make his appearance!

Monday Morning Musing

2010-08-16T08:41:00.000-04:00

Never eat spaghetti in a home where the person cooking thinks the saying is, "A washed pot never boils."

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How I Know That It's Almost Time

2010-08-13T18:58:00.003-04:00

I don't feel bad about not going to church tonight! Generally I try to attend the Friday night as well as the Sunday services at my church. Tonight though, all I can think about is heading home to take a hot shower, writing a few thank you cards and then spending the rest of the evening in bed! That Dude is at a seminar tonight, so it's just me, the DVR and my bed, and I'm truly ok with that! A few weeks ago, I would've dragged myself (I love my church, but I've been feeling so tired lately) to church because I would've felt like I owed it to someone. AND since tomorrow I have to be there to begin setting up at 9am for our annual block party, I know that I need the rest!

Green Bunting

2010-08-02T14:06:00.001-04:00

NaBloPoMo's theme for August is "green" and while I've never actually completed a month of blogging daily, I thought that this was enough incentive as any to write about our first registry gift arriving in the mail!

Imagine my surprise when I arrived home from a friend's house and I had a package waiting for me. I had recently bought some stuff on eBay, but I was certain that it was too soon for that. I opened it and was pleasantly surprised to find:

Yay! Chocolate Chip will be both warm AND cute this Winter!
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Jul 12 12:55am

2010-07-21T10:12:00.004-04:00

I love him like I've never loved anyone before. I could spend three lifetimes with him and it wouldn't be long enough. I pray that he knows that and feels the same way.

I feel like I'm finally beginning to understand him better. I feel like we're finally connecting on a deeper level. I want that to continue. I wish I could get into is head sometimes though.

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Just Waiting

2010-07-05T12:18:00.001-04:00

I'm sitting in the laundrymat waiting for a small load to finish so that That Dude and I can head out to the beach with some friends! It's my first beach visit in a few years even though we have at least 5 beaches that are fairly easily accessible even without a car. I can't wait!

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Growing Steadily...

2010-06-09T23:59:00.001-04:00

Yup, there is DEFINITELY a healthy baby growing steadily inside of me!

18 Weeks

20 Weeks

23 Weeks (My 27th b'day!)

25 Weeks

Mami & Papi can't wait to meet you baby!

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April 24

2010-05-11T21:51:00.002-04:00

I just lay down, pull the covers over my head and let silent tears flow. What a way to celebrate my healing. I feel like a hypocrite sometimes. I have the faith to receive healing when others pray but I won't take authority over my own feelings. How could I be high on Jesus at 8:30 last night and feel so damn low 15 hours later?

I felt like a terrible daughter when I ruined my mom's morning by crying the whole time she visit with me in the hospital. Why do I always have to be such a dramatic cause for worry? And now I'm waiting for the sucky wife of the year award since I can barely give my husband any affection. I'm scared to speak because I know it'll lead to petty and unnecessary bickering.

I'm tired of feeling this way and I know I need help but I feel like I have to carry everyone else right now and just don't know when there will be a moment for me. Even my free moments are dedicated to making lists and researching parenting stuff. And God knows there won't be much free time AFTER I give birth!

How do people live? Like really live? Some people just seem to have it all figured out and know how to keep it all together. What's the big secret? I want in!
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Emotional Rollercoaster

2010-04-12T20:40:00.000-04:00

I have (what I think is) an important post in drafts about marriage. Now I don't claim to be anywhere near expert level, but I AM married, and in just 4 months, I have begun to learn a thing or two.

If you've read my last few posts you might think that That Dude and I are having problems, well, I assure you that we're fine! We are more in love (most days) than we've ever been before, so just stay tuned and in the next day or two I hope to get this post up and maybe some feedback from you (yes, YOU!)

3:30am

2010-04-10T03:33:00.003-04:00

Laying here in bed. So in love. So full of doubt and worry. All of the "what if's" running through my head like a freight train at full speed. Wish I could say that "only time will tell" but the reality is that if you're good at being bad then time won't reveal much and if you're good at being good I don't want to keep wasting time with unnecessary jealousy. Why can't I just confront you? Why don't I have the guts to ask you about it?

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Sometimes...

2010-04-09T21:54:00.003-04:00

...It is hard to trust...
...I just want to give up...
...You say and do little things that hurt but I don't say anything...
...You do little things that I notice but don't mention for the sake of not sounding paranoid or being the crazy jealous wife...

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3:20am

2010-04-05T03:49:00.003-04:00

Thoughts racing through my mind
Amazingly I trust
More annoyed than scared
Why aren't we on the same wavelength?

Is it age that makes us so different?
Is it male vs female?
Why is it so easy for him
And so hard for me to understand?

Listening to breathing in the dark
Praying that the next few months will bring a conversion
Knowing that it will take more than simply time
Worrying that I'll be too hard - or worse, too soft

Oh baby, how I worry about your daddy
I worry about how we're connecting
Am I doing something wrong?
Or are my expectations simply skewed?

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Happy Lemon!

2010-03-16T14:32:00.001-04:00

14 weeks pregnant today and so excited about tonight's doctor appointment! Let's see if I've gained anymore weight (so people will stop making fun of me.) I'm also going to see if we can come up with a plan for headache relief.

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Letter to my mom

2010-03-12T10:47:00.001-05:00

Dear Mommy,

Thank you for being the best mom you could possibly be for me and the kids everyday of our lives. Thank you for your hard work, dedication, and sacrifices which made me the woman that I am today. I thought I understood appreciation but becoming a mother has TRULY opened my eyes.

I love you!

-Mel

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Financial Woes (Part 2)

2010-03-08T21:35:00.000-05:00

"For the Lord your God will bless you just as He promised you; you shall lend to many nations, but you shall not borrow; you shall reign over many nations, but they shall not reign over you. (DEUTERONOMY 15:6)

Last week I gave into the despair that had been looming for quite some time, always quietly threatening to push through my barriers of faith, and I wept tears of fear. I didn't look for words of comfort and direction in my bible as I normally do when I'm down. I ignored my husband's pleas for me to talk to him about what was wrong even when I could see that I was hurting him by pushing him away. I ignored my cousin's words spoken from a place of experience and even her offer for some tangible assistance. Instead, I allowed my fingers to vomit words of anguish and then clicked publish.

The 'reality' that I chose to live by in those hours of depression was an ugly one, but I rolled around in it until its stench was seeping out of every one of my pores. But that doesn't have to be the reality that my husband and I walk in. This weekend I spent some time in the promises of God and have decided that my future doesn't have to be bleak. Yes, I have a few bills, yes my house has normal necessities, and yes, often it does seem that it would be nice if That Dude and I had a little more income to cover some of these costs of living BUT we aren't nearly as bad off as I made it sound. We really are blessed in so many ways. Based on my calculations, we should have enough money coming in over the course of the next few weeks to bring our 'active bills' (e.g., electricity, Internet, cable, phones, etc - as opposed to the older debt) under control, if we make wise choices. We have family members who are willing to help a bit here and there until we're out of the hole. Lastly and most importantly, we have each other and the promises of the Lord that tell us of a brighter future!

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Financial Woes

2010-03-03T11:41:00.002-05:00

**Disclaimer: I'm not asking for money, just sharing my struggle. This blog is sometimes simply a place where I can let things out before my head explodes from thinking so much.**

As I lay here in my quiet apartment, all I want to do is cry. Crazy thoughts run through my head: "Maybe all of the naysayers were right." Maybe we rushed into marriage without knowing what we were getting ourselves into." "Maybe we're just not going to be able to successfully pull this off."

No, That Dude and I aren't unhappy with each other. In fact, the love is so thick you can cut through it with a pair of scissors when you're around us! Our issue is money. More bills than we know what to do with and less income than we need to keep us afloat. Ok, that's not totally true, we can afford to pay our monthly bills and rent with our income. The problem is that we're still playing catch-up with the bills that we weren't paying so that we could pay for the wedding. It's so frustrating to have to wait ANOTHER week to go food shopping (we've been lucky in that there is a food pantry at That Dude's job and they've allowed us to bring home a few cans and some dry goods, but it just isn't enough to actually put together meals.) My mom has helped some, but even she doesn't really know how tight things have been for the last few weeks.

I know that I have to trust that God is going to carry us through this and that we'll be fine, but it's tough when I know that I've just sent my husband off to work without eating anything for breakfast and with no lunch money (again).

I do a great job of smiling and pretending that things are fine, but inside I'm struggling to stay afloat. I'm terrified of what our financial future looks like and I just don't know what to do anymore.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Our Pictures Are In!!

2010-01-24T17:36:00.000-05:00

Stop right here if you’re not interested in seeing a bunch of wedding photos! :) Otherwise, ENJOY!!

How Soon is "TOO SOON"?

2010-01-12T01:22:00.000-05:00

That Dude and I have a running joke about our ability to "take things slowly" (or better stated, our lack thereof!) When people ask about our relationship and how long we dated, I always laugh before answering. He and I had been best friends for years and, during the winter of 2008, as things went downhill with my ex, I found myself spending more and more time crying to him about how I'd "NEVER find my forever man". He was always great about telling me to pray about it and to do whatever I felt was really best for me. Eventually things ended and then suddenly in February 2009 That Dude and I began to notice the feelings that were developing between us. We discussed it and agreed to "take things slowly" since I'd so recently broken up with my ex. We continued to hang out regularly and in March we decided to date exclusively with the strict rule that we'd "take things slowly" for fear of what a romantic relationship could do to our friendship if it didn't work out (we had dated VERY briefly when we first met but had decided that friends were all we were meant to be - we weren't so sure that we'd be that lucky the second time around.) We quickly realized how much we cared for each other and two months later, That Dude proposed to me on my 26th birthday, and two days short of seven months later, I was walking down the aisle!

As you can see, we have a slightly different concept of the meaning of the word slow than most people! So of course what was intended to be a serious conversation turned into lots of laughter last night when I said that we should revisit our premarital compromise on how long to wait before trying to have kids. When we first discussed it, I wanted to wait around one calendar year before beginning to try to get pregnant and That Dude (who is slightly younger than I am, and therefore not thinking about babies yet) felt that a more reasonable amount of time to wait would be AT LEAST three to four years. After lots of talking and praying, we finally agreed that we'd wait the one year (with the understanding that it may take us a little while to actually conceive since I had an ovary removed at 18. As we got closer and closer to the wedding though, I began to feel more of a need to wait it out and enjoy each other and he began to think more and more that we should begin sooner than later! Now that we're married though it's not just a thought to ponder, it's a reality that we have to think about every time we (ahem) lay with each other.

Although we know that in the end it's a decision that only we can truly make for ourselves, we've begun to seek advice from people whose opinions we value. Which brings me to you guys. If there is anyone with an opinion on this topic leave me a comment.

Just BECAUSE...

2010-01-11T21:30:00.002-05:00

I screwed up dinner BECAUSE I wasn't paying attention BECAUSE I was angry and hurt BECAUSE That Dude asked if I'd mind if he went to the pool hall with his friends after dinner...

I felt hurt and angry BECAUSE I was trying to surprise him with a dinner that I KNEW he'd love BECAUSE I love him and want to see him happy and I felt unloved BECAUSE I felt like he didn't want to spend time with me.

And he ate it and said it was great but I know he was lying BECAUSE I was eating the same thing and it pretty much sucked.

Sigh...

Living on a Budget...

2010-01-04T21:17:00.002-05:00

It's much harder to stick to a budget when we don't have a stove! Yup, that's right. Ok, I do have crock pot (thanks Titi!), microwave (thanks super great sale at Target) and a hot plate (thanks pretty cool boss for letting me borrow it). But still and all, it would be easier (and a little cheaper) if I could cook on a stove.

Day 11

2009-12-30T13:54:00.002-05:00

We're not feeling well. :o(

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Post Wedding Blues...?

2009-12-29T08:46:00.000-05:00

I heard time and again over the last 6 months about the "Post Wedding Blues" and how, after all of the planning and stressing to make it all PERFECT, the day would go by so quickly and I'd wish there had been more to it all. Well, here we are, day 10 since the wedding and I'm feeling nothing short of joy, just as I have every day since the wedding! **And, as a simple side note for all of those who said, "Just wait until one of you is sick, or cranky, or has a bad day at work..." I beg to differ since he's home with Pink Eye and I'm annoyed that I had to leave my house on what feels like a single digit temperature day, without gloves or a hat and get on a crowded train to go to work with a stuffy nose and mild fever, yet I'm still smiling!**

While I'll admit, the wedding day was indeed non-stop and I couldn't believe how quickly parts of it were over (like, who hit the fast forward button at the ceremony?), by the time we left the reception site (around 9pm) I was beat! I couldn't imagine dancing to one more song, or talking to even one more person.

All of this to say people should stop projecting their issues and insecurities onto others! I'm a living testament that you don't have to live by the standards of the norm. In fact, I'm calling my experience, "Post Wedding Bliss" instead!

Anybody else experience Post Wedding Bliss after getting married?

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Merry Christmas and NM Here We Come!!

2009-12-25T08:48:00.000-05:00

Just shooting off a quick post to wish you all a very Merry Christmas! May we remember the true reason for the season as we walk through the day. That Dude and I will be spending the day with my family since his family doesn't really do holidays. Whatever you decide to do, I pray that you have a safe and God-filled day!

And before I go, I'd like to share that I won the contest over at KingdomMama's blog! That Dude and I are beyond excited and can't wait to travel west together and the first time for both of us! Yay! And if you're still thinking of organizations to support before the year is over, you still should really consider giving to Compassion International. They really do rock!

Ok, I'm off to prep for my day. Talk to you soon!

Day 5

2009-12-25T01:01:00.001-05:00

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Day 2

2009-12-21T22:41:00.001-05:00

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

5 Day Test

2009-12-14T12:43:00.001-05:00

As just about every person who has encountered me in the last few weeks knows, I'm scheduled to get married this upcoming Saturday, December 19th, to my best friend. A few hours ago, a serious test of our trust, love and future became a major part of our equation.

Out of respect to That Dude, our friendship and the almost-year-long relationship that we have, I will not get into details here, but I do ask the you pray for us.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Bloggy Wedding Shower!!

2009-12-09T00:08:00.000-05:00

Kingdom Mama is just so awesome! I few weeks ago, I asked her to help me to get as much advice on married life as possible. She wrote this post asking readers to chime in. I'd love if you would head over and link up too!

(And she even made this cool button for me!!)

Compassion International AND Red River? Oh Boy!

2009-12-05T17:14:00.000-05:00

I had never heard of Compassion International until KingdomMama blogged about her contest, but now that I have, I think that this will be one of the charities that That Dude and I will be adopting! Yay!

Details for KingdomMama's Contest are available on her blog, but please don't just donate for the chance to visit NM (cuz I’m hoping I win and I wouldn’t want any of my readers to be disappointed! LOL)

Alone

2009-12-03T23:05:00.001-05:00

Ever feel like there is nobody you can talk to? Like being connected via Blackberry, Twitter, Facebook, Instant Messenger, etc just makes communication even harder? Yea. That's how I feel.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Happy Thanksgiving!

2009-11-26T19:14:00.002-05:00

That Dude's family doesn't do anything big for the holidays (which works to my advantage) so this Thanksgiving That Dude and I are celebrating with the Best Man and his family and in a bit we'll head to my grandparents' house to see my family.

Gotta head back to the festivities, but I wish all of you and yours a very blessed Thanksgiving!

Surprises

2009-11-23T01:25:00.001-05:00

That Dude is planning a bunch of little surprises for our wedding for me. How do I know? He's not very discrete. But it's cute, so I'll play along and try not to ask too many questions.

My problem though is that I'm sad that I feel like my hands are tied and I can't do the same for him. You see, most of my money for the next few weeks is set aside for the wedding and my bills and I can't afford little gifts for him and I'm so saddened by that fact. I wish I was more creative and could think of something that I could do for him that wouldn't put me into debt, but I'm so overwhelmed with the to-do list that I can't even begin to think of sweet things like that.

This whole gift/surprise thing has driven me into crying fits a few times over the last few days and I just don't know how to deal anymore.

Overwhelmed

2009-11-22T11:45:00.001-05:00

I don't usually tell people when I feel overwhelmed, but it happens more often than I would like since I don't always know how to say no to things. Well, today is different. I'm sitting at home surrounded by envelopes with tears threatening to spill over. I know that these invitations should have been sent ages ago, but poor preparation means that I have to try to get them out as quickly as possible now. Unfortunately, although I started with help, the task of finishing up this job has been left to me and I just feel like scrapping the whole wedding as I look at how many more have to get finished.

Please tell me that this won't last forever...

Seek First His Kingdom...

2009-11-17T00:52:00.003-05:00

Recent conversation between That Dude and me:

TD: “How was work today?”
Me: “It was WORK.”
...Silence while That Dude is in serious thought...
TD: “You know something, that is exactly my problem with your job. I can get over the late and weekend meetings, I can get past how far it is but I will never be able to get past the fact that every time I ask you about work you respond, ‘It was work.’ It shouldn't be that way Mel.”
Me: “But it’s not EVERYday. There are some days when I come home after having had a GREAT day at work!”
TD: “I know, and I treasure those days.”
Me: (Frustrated) “Well, I’m sorry honey, I NEED this job right now. Our wedding is just a few weeks away and I’d like for us to have food to eat and I don’t want to have to live in a shelter!”
TD: (Exhausted) “I know...”

Let me begin by saying that I don’t hate my job. I love that we get to help people who are in serious need. I love my co-workers. I have a swively leather chair and business cards and voicemail and Internet. My job involves a ministry component, so I can spend time reading the bible or about church history at my desk and nobody would think it odd. I’ve sat and spoken with politicians and Directors of great non-profit organizations and I’ve added significantly to both my network and my résumé in just 3 years. But even with all of that, I look forward to the weekend (and dread Monday mornings) more often than I’d like to admit. I come home feeling exhausted but unaccomplished many nights. And while I make more than I have any right to complain about (and more than the median household income of the community that I work in!) I sometimes feel like the money isn’t worth my stress levels, you know?

And as I was putting together a blog post about God being in control, I was reminded of a verse in the Gospel according to Matthew that says that we shouldn't worry because God sees what we need and as long as we are doing the work of His Kingdom, He will continue to provide for us. (Matthew 6:31-34)

I’m not planning to quit my job, but this was a great mental nudge. I don’t NEED this job. If I lost this job tomorrow, I’m lucky enough (in huge part because of my experience AT this job) to know what resources are available to us. If I lost this job tomorrow, I have the contacts and experience, and most importantly a Daddy God to help me get something new even in a time of nationwide recession!

What does all of this mean for me? It means that it’s time to get on the ball. This is where I am at the moment, not because I NEED to be but because it’s where God placed me 3 years ago and where I’ve chosen to stay for the time being. For as long as I’m here I need to excel at what I’m doing (“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.” Colossians 3:23)but I also need to be open to the Lord’s movements and only stay here as long as He says I should. Then, when the time comes I need to be prepared to trust Him to guide me in whatever comes next.

My Faraway "Friend"

2009-11-08T02:21:00.004-05:00

If you pay attention to my list of blogs that I follow, or if you click through the posts that I share from time to time, you probably already know this, but I'm a huge fan of KingdomMama's blog, and if you're into reading blogs that talk about marriage, or parenting, or frugal living, or homeschooling, or God, or... well, why don't you just go have a looksee... I'm pretty sure you'll find for yourself that she is pretty awesome! I hope to someday meet her so that when I refer to my "friend" in conversation, people won't think I'm TOTALLY (or any more than usual) nuts!

You Reap What You Sow

2009-11-02T17:10:00.004-05:00

"Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work."

(2 Corinthians 9:6-8)

This particular passage is hitting me in so many different ways right now, it is amazing!

1. You must sow before you can reap. Keeping the pack of seeds in a box at the top of the closet does you no good.

2. You reap according to what you sow, so if you plant apple seeds, don't expect oranges to grow and if you plant one seed and he plants 100, don't expect the same results!

3. Make a decision for yourself and stick to it. Don't give because you have to, give because you GET to!

4. Don't be a grumbling giver. Every time you give, check your heart and see where it's at. Be HAPPY about giving!

5. There is nothing wrong with expecting a ROI (Return on Investment) from God. If you do your part, He's more than willing to do His part!

6. Similar to the apple seed analogy, the turnaround time isn't instantaneous. You don't expect a flourishing 10 foot tall apple tree the morning after planting the seeds! You have to wait and water and prune your seed into a sapling and eventually into something that bears fruit and gives back.

I've heard/read the passage lots of times before, but as I stumbled over it today, it was like it had been written for me, right there and right then. I hope it does something for you guys too!

47 Days and Such a Busy Bee

2009-11-02T14:15:00.002-05:00

Today is the first day of my 2nd furlough of the fiscal year and I'm busier than on a workday!

Here is a rundown of what I'm planning on getting done:

-The invitation design came to me in a dream (not a first for this planning process!) so now I've got to get to work! *Once they're mailed, pics will be posted!

-This Evening we'll be shooting our Engagement pics, which is taking much more work than I anticipated.

-This morning, I picked up That Dude's Dry Cleaning and dropped it off at his job, so that he can have something nice to wear for the pics

-I'm currently headed Uptown to my favorite hair stylist, so that my daily ponytail isn't what I'm sporting for the pics

-Once I've been beautified, I'll be right back onto the train to head home to find something nice to wear,

-Next we're off to catch some scenic sunset pics

-After pics we have to go to the church where we're getting married to fill out paperwork,

-Then it'll be back home to end the night by continuing to clean and prep for the move!

Based on my to-do list, it seems like the entire week will have a similar whirlwind like quality to it, but every time I think about the fact that I'll be married to the man that I love once it's all over, I get all giddy and forget all about being overwhelmed!

It's Official!!

2009-10-30T06:30:00.000-04:00

I'm getting married in 50 days!! I guess I should actually get on the ball with planning...

Harvest of Friends Blog Party

2009-10-19T12:53:00.006-04:00

Lynnette, over at Dancing Barfoot on Weathered Ground had this great idea for a blog party so that we could get to know other bloggers, and if you know me, you should know that I'm all about parties of any kind (yes, even virtual ones!)

I'll use the list of questions that she posted, but feel free to look around my blog or even email me if you want to get to know me even more. Enjoy! (And please, let me know where you're blogging at so that I can visit you too!)

20 Weird Questions That Will Give a Little Insight Into Who You Are (Pick whichever ones you want to use , use all of them - or make up your own)

1. What is your favorite thing to snack on while you're blogging?
I generally type blog posts on my Blackberry while I'm on the go, so I rarely get to relax and eat while I write (I'm sure my fellow Subway riders appreciate it!)

2. What is one thing you wouldn't want to live without?
My blackberry and the internet. I've become so attached that it's crazy. My phone is rarely far from me and when people discuss things that I'm interested in learning more about, I either Google it immediately, or make a note in my task list to look it up.

3. Beach, Mountains or Farm? Where would you live if you had a choice?
Warm, sunny beachhouse for me! In my mind, mountains = cold and farm almost made me break out in hives because of the very IDEA of work!

4. What's your least favorite chore/household duty?
Ummm, did you read my last answer? I REALLY don't like chores... If I HAD to chose one as my least favorite though, it would be sweeping/mopping. I never feel that I can get those jobs right.

5. Who do people say you remind them of?
I'm always hearing how 'cute' I am (like the ways puppies and teddy bears are cute, NOT like HOT GUYS looking across the room and saying, "Who's that? She's cute," but nobody ever compares my look to anyone except to say, "Wow, you look exactly like Al," (my dad)

6. Prefer parties and socializing or staying at home with the fam?
Both! I love going out to dance at clubs and lounges, but I also like Board Games at home

7. What's your all time favorite movie?
There are a few: Finding Nemo (made me wanna be a fish!), Goodfellas, A Bronx Tale (both made me want to marry Italian Mafia guys), and the documentary "Yo Soy Boricua: Pa' Que Tu Lo Sepas!" (made me start doing research on my Puerto Rican background.)

8. Do you sleep in your make up or remove it like a good girl every night?
I don't wear make-up everyday, but if I go clubbing I will and usually I get home so tired that I just crash with it still on. **I want to get out of this habit sooner than later since I'll be married soon and I'm pretty sure That Dude DOESN'T want to make up next to the crazy raccoon/spiderweb eyed woman!

9. Do you have a hidden talent or a deep desire to learn something that you've never had a chance to learn? What is it?
I've always wanted to learn to play the violin. Maybe someday I will.

10. What's one strange thing you're really good at?
Balancing on a moving subway. Years in the MTA have taught me well!

11. What first attracted you to your spouse?
My (almost) husband *That Dude* "seduced" me with his love of the Lord and his sense of humor.

12. What is something you love to smell?
Citrus fruits

13. Tell something about you that you know irritates people.
I'm ALWAYS late!

14. When you have extra money (HA!) what's the first thing you think to do with it?
Buy whatever I've been putting off on the longest

15. Are you a silent laugher or a loud laugher? What makes you laugh the hardest?
I can be a bit of both, depending on the situation. I usually laugh hardest at jokes that hit home with some truth. Kids unknowingly saying things that are a bit socially awkward are HILARIOUS to me!

16. Where is your favorite place to shop?
The WORLD… WIDE… WEB… (In the big booming God voice)

17. What's one thing you'd do more often if you had more time?
Blog, read, hug That Dude, play with My Nene

18. Are you a big spender or frugal?
Usually pretty frugal

19. Who is your favorite character of all time (from a movie or book)? (Can't be real)
Karen Hill from Goodfellas or Baby from Dirty Dancing

20. Would you want to be famous?
Yes, but not for singing or dancing, for doing something great, like starting my school for inner city kids someday.

Pomp and Circumstance

2009-10-15T05:57:00.002-04:00

How important is the traditional wedding reception? How much does it matter to the guests?

That Dude and I are playing with some ideas. We are thinking about making our wedding 'reception' a combination of the following ideas:

-Go out to a restaurant and everyone cover their own meal
-Asking to use the space at my church to host something small like appetizers only (similar to the way that our Pastor and his wife did, but probably even less extravagant)
-Asking someone with a nice house if we can just have a nice simple house party
-Ipod as our DJ
-Possibility of cutting favors from the budget
-Doing it on a weeknight (probably a Thursday)
-Hiring a student photographer
-Cutting the guestlist
-Me getting a less expensive dress (the two that I fell in love with are $600 and $800)

These are just some of our ideas and we can use some or none of them. I just need some advice.

Wedding Inspiration

2009-10-05T23:51:00.010-04:00

Ok, I didn't take pics (cuz I'm silly that way) but I really did have a blast at the wedding of my two good friends Tiffany and Ramon on Friday. They were simply one of the happiest couples I've seen in awhile and it even got That Dude into a lovey dovey mood!

The ceremony took place at a local outdoor community garden (these things are pretty common in the Lower East Side) and was followed by a brunch reception was at a local restaurant.

Luckily (I think) for the couple, her fam is concentrated in sunny Georgia and his family is "across the pond" in South Africa! They still had the "mushrooming guestlist" issue come up at some point (she's on staff at the church we attend and he's in the church band, so how do you decide who to invite?) but it never reached the numbers that my list has, therefore I'm unsympathetic! *Just kidding guys!*

All in all, I walked away with some great ideas, lots of reminders that I can have something beautiful WITHOUT going bankrupt, and a promise from That Dude to consider *Chris of Threshold Visions* as our wedding photographer (it's one of the few times I've been ridiculously excited about a vendor and I think he wants to keep me grounded in case we can't afford him.)

I'm glad to have shared this special day with them and I look forward to getting lots of newlywed advice from them! Mr. and Mrs. De Bruyn, I love you guys and wish you many years of marital bliss!

Meeting More Family

2009-10-05T23:51:00.009-04:00

This weekend I had the opportunity to meet That Dude's paternal aunt and a few of his cousins. As usual, I worried myself way too much for absolutely no reason at all!

It was also a great opportunity for me to see him interacting with more kids and a great reminder that he really does love children and will be a great father someday!

I Did My Happy Dance...

2009-09-30T10:01:00.000-04:00

"Ladies and Gentlemen, after Lorimer Street, the next stop on this Manhattan Bound L train will be *Union Square - 14th Street. Again that's Union Square - 14th Street"

*Union Square is 4 stops away from where I was which meant my ride was shortened by about 10 minutes! SCORE!!

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
**NOTE: This was actually taken on the A train since the L was super packed and I didn't want to get attacked for taking strangers' pictures!**

Believing in the Dream...

2009-09-30T09:30:00.000-04:00

That Dude is working with a friend on a new creative career path (for the friend not for That Dude). At first I kind of wrote it off as 'boys playing imagination games' then I was annoyed at the amount of time that he's been spending with his friend and then this morning... I was dreaming up ideas for them! What a turnaround! Feels like a serious case of "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em!"

So this post is dedicated to That Dude and "Famous180"! I see that you're more dedicated to this than I gave you guys credit for. I really do believe in and support your dream!

Does Size Really Matter?

2009-09-28T10:16:00.001-04:00

I'm talking about wedding celebrations of course! The last few months have been an up and down struggle with guestlists and budgets. Do we want a 350 guest 3-ring-circus complete with fancy dresses and everyone we love or 15 of our nearest and dearest to join us for vows and lunch? Are we going to enjoy it better if we spend $10,000 vs $1,000? It's even been suggested that we take out a loan to cover our costs, but do we really NEED anything that we can't afford to buy upfront?

Help!

Things Are Quickly Changing

2009-09-28T09:39:00.001-04:00

I screwed up... BIG TIME - let's start there, and let me also say that, in no way am I trying to put the blame for my actions on anyone else. Human as I am though, I have been filled with a terrible sense of shame and dread every since, and both emotions have been heightened since the truth about my screw up came out. Only time can heal wounds and while I am sincerely sorry for my actions, what happens in the next few days, weeks and months will determine things like where I stand with my family as well as what my future with That Dude will look like.

During this difficult time, I ask that you keep me in your prayers.

Frugal Living

2009-09-23T18:17:00.001-04:00

If you haven't heard, I'm getting married soon (although at this point, I'm not so sure about how soon 'soon' really is.) Anyway, so we're trying to save toward the wedding and apartment as well as just trying to learn how to spend less in general since, whenever 'soon' rolls into town, we'll suddenly have bills and rent and all that good stuff.

Any suggestions on how we can cut corners? I'd be especially grateful for some low budget date ideas too!

Thanks!!

Six Word Saturday

2009-08-29T01:32:00.002-04:00

Make sure to visit Cate to see who else is participating this week!

Oh boy, has it really been a whole week?! Well today (payday) was a reminder of what furloughs really are, so my six words are:

I wish furloughs were paid vacations!

Going From 0 to 60!

2009-08-27T22:32:00.000-04:00

Wedding date selection at a glance:
Date we had originally considered: December 26, 2009
Date we chose afterwards: April 10, 2010
Date we settled on and is currently in the calendar at the church: June 26, 2010

When I met with Father T to change our wedding date his question to me was, "Are you sure this time, BEFORE I enter it in the book?". And I (of course) said with a chuckle, "Yes Father. We absolutely CANNOT do April because I'll be in school. This is definitely the date for us!"

You can guess what's about to come can't you?

...Continuation of Wedding date selection at a glance:
Newest date we've set our sights on: Christmas weekend 2009.

We'd both agreed that we didn't want a long engagement, and these days June 2010 seems like it's AGES away! We're a little concerned about having the big fantasy 350 guest wedding in such a short amount of time so I'm **being forced** graciously cutting down my half of the list **until I can convince him to give me the majority of his seats** to 50 or so people. :o)

This of course means turning around my lax attitude about the planning process since we've gone from 10 months to just over 18 weeks (and we still haven't told Father T yet!!)

Anybody have any tips for a simple yet elegant wedding that can be put together fairly quickly?

Six Words...

2009-08-22T20:44:00.001-04:00

Make sure to visit Cate to see who else is participating this week!

My six words this week:

Trusting God to respond to prayers...

Ever Feel Like You Can't Win...?

2009-08-19T22:27:00.001-04:00

Have you ever had someone who makes you second guess yourself? Someone who you want to please so badly that you go 'round in circles trying to make the 'correct' decisions? Yea, that's how I feel sometimes.

Wedding Planning Wednesday

2009-08-12T09:25:00.000-04:00

Ready for an update on my wedding planning? Well here goes...

We've definitely decided on the wedding party, the color scheme, officiant, and ceremony location.

We think we know where we'll be hosting our reception (I'll be seeing at the space this Sunday, but it's been his suggestion since day 1, so if I like it we'll go with it.)

There are some major things that are still floating around waiting for a final decision on though. Our budget fluctuates from one day to the next, and our guest list is somewhere between 150 and 350 depending on our moods! We've agreed to sit down this week to finalize these major details so that we can finally begin to work on the other things that need our attention.

Keep checking back to see how far we get from week to week and how much of it is left to the last possible moment!

Titus 2 Tuesday

2009-08-11T09:30:00.002-04:00

What have learned from another woman this week? (or ever) Write your own "Titus 2 Post" (linking back to ateachableheart somewhere within the body of your post) and also enter your link in the Mr. Linky below the Titus 2 post at ateachableheart!

This week I'm proud to say that I spent time under my grandmother's wing and I(as usual) I learned something!

I wanted to make dinner for That Dude but when he asked for Rice and Beans with Chicken cutlets, I was worried! It may sound like a simple enough meal, but growing up in a Latino household, this is a standard meal, meaning that I knew he'd eaten it a hundred million times done "correctly" and would easily notice if I screwed it up. There's an ongoing joke about my (lack of) cooking skills and having NEVER made Puerto Rican style beans before, I was worried that I'd prove everyone right, so I called my grandmother who lives fairly nearby, and asked if I could come by for guidance. She laughed and told me she'd be waiting.

While we cooked together, my grandmother told me a few (quite funny) stories about her adventures in cooking during the early years of her marriage to my grandfather (over fifty years ago!). It was especially side splitting to hear stories about my grandfather (who LOVES to cook - evidenced by his affinity for the Food Network, his collection of various cooking tools, and the many cookbooks that he owns) eating my grandmother's meals as she said "...con sus ojos cerrado" (with his eyes closed) but being so in love that he just didn't know how to tell her!

We chatted about her health and about my uncle who is about to buy a new house, we discussed the pros and cons of taking a family vacation to Puerto Rico, and then, all of a sudden, it was done! I packed up the food and ran out the door.

I learned how to make my grandmother's beans (SCORE!) but I also learned a bit more about the honeymoon period of marriage and above all, I learned more about my family's matriarch and THAT truly was the best feeling of all!

7 Quick Takes

2009-08-10T14:27:00.001-04:00

Life has been an absolute whirlwind of activity lately and it's sometimes hard to keep up with writing, but since a faraway friend asked for an update, I knew I had to oblige! **I wrote this out and forgot to post it on Friday, sorry!

1. The concert is over and we took a financial loss. I still don't know what that will mean for my job, but I'm totally relaxed about it.

2. We've started the wedding planning process again. Checked out a photographer, DJ, and a bridal show at a Catering Hall, so far. The wedding party is pretty much set, except for a flower girl and ring bearer, although I'm pretty sure I'll be asking to have my cousin's daughter or my boss's daughter as our flower girl.

3. That Dude bought me a Blackberry and added me to his phone account, and despite my former aversion to all things Blackberry, I must admit, I actually don't hate it! It's WAY better than the Samsung Instinct from Sprint (IMHO) so I'm happy as a clam!

4. I have officially taken on the position of Kids' Church Coordinator for the non-denominational church that I belong to. I've also agreed to coordinate the Youth Group at the Catholic Parish that That Dude and I will be getting married at. With work and the possibility of school this semester, I've pretty much got every minute of the day taken up! But I love it, so I'm not stressing.

5. Many people have only heard about my oldest younger (step) brother in passing, but don't know much about him. First, although we aren't biologically related, he has always been and will always be my brother in my heart. With that said, I've been pretty actively searching for him for a few weeks now, and finally have some good news! He's not laying dead in some California ditch but is in fact taking the necessary steps to improve his life and I'm so proud of him. I hope to someday share his story, not today.

Also, my search has brought me two wonderful new friends that (based on my limited experience so far as well as the fact that my brother very obviously loves them both) I can't wait to repay them for all that they've done.

6. Each day That Dude manages to say or do something that makes me fall more in love with him. There had been some tension because of my stress levels, but as the fund raiser becomes nothing more than a memory, we've worked our way back into a (semi) normal relationship - well, at least normal for us!

7. The Lord is revealing different facets of His glory and mercy to me everyday. It seems though, that each time I have a glorious moment with the Lord, I get a spiritual attack that I always feel is "the worst it could ever possibly get.". I'm spending a lot of time in prayer and praising the Lord. I know that I cannot let these attacks get the best of me.

Thanks for reading!!

Six-Word Saturday (Hermana Glenda Edition)

2009-07-25T12:42:00.002-04:00

Make sure to visit Cate to see who else is participating this week!

My six words this week:

Glad the concert is finally over!

7 Quick Takes Friday

2009-07-24T04:30:00.002-04:00

This is my first time writing a quick takes post, but I think it's a genius idea! Quick takes are hosted by Jen at Conversion Diary.

1. Today is "D-Day" for my organization. The concert has finally arrived and now it's time to make sure that we shine (at least in the eyes of the public.) I know that God has a way of showing how awesome He really is, so I'm not even worried anymore.

2. Even if the concert hits the numbers that we're PRAYING for, we will still take a financial hit, which means we'll still probably be letting someone go. That Dude says that it won't be me and that I shouldn't worry. I say that God knows what He's doing and I'm prepared for anything at all at this point.

3. The Love Dare is going forward for both of us and I'm so happy. I know that it'll be a challenge, but I also know that it'll be totally worth every second of it!

4. I'm glad to finally be able to get into wedding planning mode! That Dude and I went to a Bridal Expo at a catering hall and fell in love with the place! Next week we'll be seeing photographers and over the course of the next few weeks, we'll be doing lots of (hopefully) fun things for the wedding!

5. That Dude and I are getting closer everyday. Sometimes I wonder if it's all a dream (and then he does something obnoxious and I realize that he's human and that this is reality! LOL)

6. I'm beginning to realize that there is a definite separation from my nuclear family that comes with marriage. I'm not completely happy about it... :o(

7. Tomorrow is my god-daughter's birthday party and I'm in charge of cake... Still haven't ordered one though... Let's see what miracle I come up with in the morning!

Thanks for listening!

"...for a wedding that I don't even want to have..."

2009-07-16T18:30:00.002-04:00

I try very hard to take into account That Dude's opinions when it comes to the wedding planning process. At the same time, I know that there are just some things that he's not going to care all that much about.

That Dude really just wants to have an intimate get together with our nearest and dearest. I on the other hand can't seem to get my guest list down to under 200 people. Despite our differing opinions on this, we've been able to slowly tread through this process without too many issues. All of that changed today when he found himself so frustrated that he said, "We shouldn't have to go through all of this for a wedding that I don't even want to have!" EXCUSE ME?! OK, now let me say that I know what he meant by that and that he immediately apologized because he knew how terrible that statement sounded, but the damage was pretty much done.

Do I doubt for even a second that he loves me dearly and wants to marry me? Nope. I know that it's not marriage that is bringing out this crankiness, but the actual WEDDING, and all of the planning that comes along with the wedding, but still and all, words hurt... and sometimes a lot. And today was one of those times.

We're going to a bridal expo tonight with my mother, grandmother and aunt and I'm beginning to wonder why I even invited him. Oh! I remember, because he's the GROOM! Ugh... I just have so much going on at work right now that arguing about the wedding is the LAST thing I want to be doing. I hope it turns around for the better, or at least that the night goes quickly.

Not Me Monday

2009-07-06T19:30:00.005-04:00

Click here to visit MckMama for more Not Me fun!

Now, onto that which I DID NOT do recently...

I DIDN'T tell That Dude that I was fine with pushing back our wedding date because of our finances and then proceed to be a crab at our friend's birthday party because I really didn't want to change the date...

Furthermore, I DEFINITELY DID NOT freak out at a local bookstore yesterday because "...we have no money and NEED to push this wedding back!"

And then, it would've been JUST PLAIN CRAZY for me to have a sit down talk with him last night saying that there was no way I wanted to push this wedding back, and we'd just have to figure it out!

And, since I DIDN'T freak out at the bookstore, there was NO OPPORTUNITY for me to walk away from That Dude while he was trying to comfort me, especially since I promised that we'd work through everything together! I WOULD NEVER go back on my word!

And since I DIDN'T freak out, and therefore DIDN'T walk away from my concerned fiance, I also DIDN'T buy him an "I'm sorry" card at the pharmacy today (Shhh... I'd better get it to him before he reads this post!)

What things didn't you do this week?

Monday Micro

2009-07-06T19:01:00.003-04:00

"At the end of the day, as long as I'm married to you, I don't care about the pomp and circumstance... Well, not much..."

(Me to That Dude recently)

At this point we are definitely sure about who will be marrying us, where we'll be holding the ceremony and when we'll be tying the knot... Beyond that, we go back and forth DAILY!! Aaaaahhhhh!!!!

Six-Word-Saturday (mobile edition)

2009-07-04T11:16:00.003-04:00

"Hanging with That Dude and friends!"

HAPPY 4th EVERYONE!!

Monday Micro

2009-06-29T22:48:00.002-04:00

"We who fight for our dream suffer far more when it doesn't work out, because we can't fall back on the old excuse: 'Oh well I didn't want it anyway.'" (Coelho)

2009-06-24T16:55:00.003-04:00

If you follow me on Twitter or if you're my friend on Facebook, you probably know that I took my first big step in wedding planning and went dress shopping with my mother about a week and a half ago.

The week leading up to our shopping trip was a particularly difficult one, so as I walked into the dressing room to try on the first dress, I said to myself, "Well, at least this trip will be fun for mom and we're getting to spend time together." But when I stepped out of the dressing room and saw myself wearing a wedding gown, my spirits instantly lifted! I began to smile and was suddenly happy to be there!

While it can be extremely overwhelming, it seems like wedding planning has its perks too!

(Blurry Cell phone image of a mirror that was behind me as I tried on a wedding dress)

Just Letting it All Out

2009-06-19T19:39:00.001-04:00

Fair warning: this post isn't beneficial to others. I'm not going to solve any life issues. I don't even give an inspirational quote. This post is exactly what I sad in the title, a chance for me to get it all out.

I don't feel well! I'm not cheerful! I don't want to smile! In fact, I want to cry! I want to scream! I want to curl up into a ball and hide/sleep for a week, a month, a year!

Life is overwhelming right now and I'm tired of pretending that it's not. I'm tired of carrying everyone else all of the time. I'm sick of holding back tears and convincing everyone including myself that things are great. When will it be my turn to be carried for a bit?

As I write all of this, I feel so guilty. I feel bad for wanting to ask for help. The thoughts going through my mind sound something like:

"How can I add my burdens and stresses to the already full plates of my friends and family?"

"These things are my responsibility to deal with and I shouldn't expect anyone to have to take them on."

"I created this situation with T and I've already done enough harm by bringing him into our lives."

"It's my job, including the retreat and the fundraiser, and nobody else has to figure out how to make it run smoothly."

"These are bills that I've accumulated and it's my responsibility to find a way to pay them."

"These are my migraines and I know that there is nothing that others can do to make them go away, so I need to stop complaining about them. And while I'm at it, I need to understand that nobody is going to pay for the ridiculously expensive medication to alleviate them, so shut up and buy them, or don't, but stop talking about it."

Just imagine walking around with that in your head all day, believe me, it's not fun. And then I feel like a bad Christian because I should be mature enough in my faith to stand against all of this and look past the natural, but I really don't feel strong enough these days.

-Mel

Sorry...

2009-06-14T02:06:00.001-04:00

Some unfinished posts were accidentally published on Friday. As soon as they're actually finished, I'll repost them!

What a Night...

2009-06-11T01:32:00.003-04:00

Sometime within the next three days, the police will attempt to arrest T. By the end of the month, I might be married, and I STILL CAN'T FIND MY CONTACT CASE!!!!

I'm too tired to write anymore right now, and I can't believe tomorrow is ONLY Thursday!

-Mel