Monday Micro

"We who fight for our dream suffer far more when it doesn't work out, because we can't fall back on the old excuse: 'Oh well I didn't want it anyway.'" (Coelho)

If you follow me on Twitter or if you're my friend on Facebook, you probably know that I took my first big step in wedding planning and went dress shopping with my mother about a week and a half ago.

The week leading up to our shopping trip was a particularly difficult one, so as I walked into the dressing room to try on the first dress, I said to myself, "Well, at least this trip will be fun for mom and we're getting to spend time together." But when I stepped out of the dressing room and saw myself wearing a wedding gown, my spirits instantly lifted! I began to smile and was suddenly happy to be there!

While it can be extremely overwhelming, it seems like wedding planning has its perks too!

(Blurry Cell phone image of a mirror that was behind me as I tried on a wedding dress)

Just Letting it All Out

Fair warning: this post isn't beneficial to others. I'm not going to solve any life issues. I don't even give an inspirational quote. This post is exactly what I sad in the title, a chance for me to get it all out.

I don't feel well! I'm not cheerful! I don't want to smile! In fact, I want to cry! I want to scream! I want to curl up into a ball and hide/sleep for a week, a month, a year!

Life is overwhelming right now and I'm tired of pretending that it's not. I'm tired of carrying everyone else all of the time. I'm sick of holding back tears and convincing everyone including myself that things are great. When will it be my turn to be carried for a bit?

As I write all of this, I feel so guilty. I feel bad for wanting to ask for help. The thoughts going through my mind sound something like:

"How can I add my burdens and stresses to the already full plates of my friends and family?"

"These things are my responsibility to deal with and I shouldn't expect anyone to have to take them on."

"I created this situation with T and I've already done enough harm by bringing him into our lives."

"It's my job, including the retreat and the fundraiser, and nobody else has to figure out how to make it run smoothly."

"These are bills that I've accumulated and it's my responsibility to find a way to pay them."

"These are my migraines and I know that there is nothing that others can do to make them go away, so I need to stop complaining about them. And while I'm at it, I need to understand that nobody is going to pay for the ridiculously expensive medication to alleviate them, so shut up and buy them, or don't, but stop talking about it."

Just imagine walking around with that in your head all day, believe me, it's not fun. And then I feel like a bad Christian because I should be mature enough in my faith to stand against all of this and look past the natural, but I really don't feel strong enough these days.

-Mel

Sorry...

Some unfinished posts were accidentally published on Friday. As soon as they're actually finished, I'll repost them!

What a Night...

Sometime within the next three days, the police will attempt to arrest T. By the end of the month, I might be married, and I STILL CAN'T FIND MY CONTACT CASE!!!!

I'm too tired to write anymore right now, and I can't believe tomorrow is ONLY Thursday!

-Mel

Monday Micro - A Godly Surprise

I've decided to borrow a great idea from C Beth called "Micro Monday". I'll even share her description since I love it!

"New series--Monday Micro. It'll be a nice, short post. Guaranteed to be one of the following--funny, profound, or neither."

After telling quite a few people that I was tired of the youth and young adult groups and that I would probably be leaving for good, I had a wonderful time with the parish youth group yesterday and God has once again managed to put in my heart the want to work with them (He is SO sneaky sometimes!) They really are a wonderful group of kids and while they can sometimes be difficult to deal with, I know that the adage "You may be the only God they see" absolutely applies to this group of young people growing up in a very urban area in Brooklyn. Seriously though, God is going to be doing all of the work, I'm just along for the ride!

Wild Olive Trees dot com...

I absolutely adore this line of shirts! Every Christian woman needs a few!