Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Today I'm thankful for the simple things, like surveys from friends! Enjoy!

1. When was the last time you shaved your legs?
This morning

2. What were you doing this morning at 8?
Getting ready for work

3. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?
Talking to Yessenia

4. What are you wearing right now?
Slacks and a sweater

5. Are you mad at anyone right now?

6. The last two people to say they loved you?
My mother and My Nene

7. Kissed someone in the last 24 hrs?
Only on the cheek

8. Are you happy with your living arrangements?
Yea, I love my fam. I'd like my own place soon though.

9. Last thing received in the mail?
Something for work

10. How often do you download music?
A few times a month

11. What did you do yesterday?
Worked and went to receivement for J 157 guys at Most Holy Trinity

12. Have you ever been searched by the cops?

13. How is your hair?
In a ponytail

14. How many different drinks have you had today?

15. What have you eaten today?
A plain bagel earlier when I had my Tylenol (it's Ash Wednesday, so I'm trying to fast)

16. Are you any good at math?

17. What did you do Friday night?
I worked, went to staples, did lots of driving around in Kat's car, went to Jamie's house for vigila, wrote... wrote... wrote... looked at the time... typed for Max... looked at the time... yawned... wrote... wrote... wrote..., laid down for 20 minutes, got up and went to my house (ooops, you just asked about Friday, at this point it was already 6am.)

18. Any good memories at the beach?
Nothing special

21. Do you like the ocean?

22. Did you stay friends with your ex's?

23. What are you excited about?

24. What did you do two nights ago?
Anthropology class

25. Are any of your great-grandparents still alive?

26. Where do you keep your money?

27. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?
Alone, I take alot of space

28. Any plans today?

30. Any thoughts or feelings you want to share?
God is so wonderful!

I'm not tagging anyone, but entertain yourself & do it anyway. :)

What I've learned about Relationships...


A high school classmate posted the following question in a Facebook note:

"Would you stay with a person if you knew they were never going to marry you?"
Relationships are something that I spend a lot of time thinking about, and I already had an answer for her question:

"I wouldn't. To me, the point of a relationship is to lead towards marriage. I'm not saying that I'm planning my wedding in month one, but there should be an understanding that if we're going from just dating to a serious relationship,
it's because there's a plan for the future. I also see it as a waste of time
that would be better spent finding my forever man."

I figured that my blog was as good a place as any to expand on this answer. As I said in my response, I don't necessarily think that after a month of being in a relationship we should be buying rings, but at the same time, I've learned some key things from both recent and past experiences as well as conversations with friends, preaching from the pulpit, and two great books that I recommend for everyone "Waiting and Dating" and "Every Young Woman's Battle" (although, I'll mention that "Every Young Woman's Battle" is geared toward a high school aged crowd, so you should check out the other books in the "Every Man Series" to see what feels most comfortable for you.)

1. Men and women were made to have certain Man-Woman feelings for each other that can sometimes blind us. Pastor B puts it best when he explains that he can't cast these feelings out of you, because when you get married, he'd have to cast them back into you! So once we know that the feelings are there to stay, what can we do? We can remind ourselves that we are human beings with self control and rational thinking, and physical feelings do not control us, and that those feelings are not enough to determine whether or not a relationship will work.

2. When you're friends (really friends though, not simply acquaintances) with a person before jumping into a relationship, you have time to learn a lot about them. How do they treat others? How they react to difficulties and blessings (I know some sore winners who are much worse to deal with than any sore loser I've ever met!) What they value most in life. And even, how they deal with those that they date (if you're close enough friends for long enough.) These are only some of the things that you should be observing. Pay attention in the friendship stage for things that you love and hate. People are who they are and they will not change once you get into a relationship, things will jut be a more intense version of what they already are!

3. You shouldn't even get into a relationship with someone until: a) you feel that you're marriage material and b) they are marriage material FOR YOU! My suggestion is to make sure that both of these are present. This requires some work beforehand, since you need to figure out for yourself what characteristics you deem necessary for marriage. Do you feel that you won't get married until you have a college degree? Then why are you in a relationship as a senior in high school? Get yourself together before even working on a relationship. And figure out what you want from a significant other also. Do you know that your faith is important to you and you never miss Sunday mass? Why are you getting into a relationship with an Atheist? They could be a great person for all intents and purposes, but are they marriage material FOR YOU? This is especially important because feelings within relationships sometimes snowball and you don't want to invest lots of time and emotion on a relationship that isn't right.

4. It's OK to date! I don't know about everyone else, but I wasn't raised in a culture that encouraged dating. Either you had a boyfriend/girlfriend or you didn't, but there was no acceptable in between place. If you chose to date different people, you were a "player" or a "whore" even if you weren't doing anything more than dating. It has taken me time, experience and counsel of good friends to realize that it is quite alright for a man to take me out to dinner and a movie without there being any plan for a future. I do have feelings about how to choose dates and what should come prior to dating, but that's a whole post in and of itself! But once two mature people feel that they are ready to date, I think the practice should be encouraged.

So, what do you think about relationships leading nowhere? And what relationship advice have you learned along the way?

Friday, February 20, 2009


Well, it's official. T and I are no longer together. It started again last night with me telling him how tired I am of everything and how I gave up on us and this relationship months ago to which he replied, "Well if you feel that way Mel, let me stop wasting your time. Let's just end it now." I think he thought his words would hurt me or shock me to "my senses", but I simply said, "OK." I quickly ended our conversation when he started saying that I couldn't be serious, but knew it wouldn't be that easy and I was right. At ten minutes to three o'clock this morning, I was woken up by a phone call from him. This morning was the amazing part though, he called me to make sure I was awake for work as he's done for over a year now, and said, "I can't wait 'til you see that I really have changed and this relationship gets better." HUH? I didn't know how to respond! Apparently, we HADN'T broken up after all! He called me again as I was walking to my office and I explained that I had done what I felt was best for us. At that point he realized I was serious and the anger began. It's now a bit after 9pm and I've spent the whole day taking and ignoring his calls. I've listened to so many voicemails that I've lost count, and I've told him repeatedly that 1. It's not another man, it's THE ONLY man (God), and 2. That I honestly don't think that I have to put any more thought into this decision than I already have. Some calls are the angry kind and those I end quickly. Some calls are sad, this hurts so much;how can you do this so easily calls. The remainder are promises of a better relationship. He promises to take me out and try new things and go to church every Sunday... I explained that he should do whatever he feels is necessary to improve himself, and to do it for himself and the baby and that I pray that he finds someone to make him happy. He's still insisting. I'm still praying for his peace.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Plan vs. Action

I knew what had to be done. I prayed and God gave me peace of mind. I opened my mouth to say the words and what came out wasn't right. I was arguing. That wasn't in the plan. I tried again... Still wrong. Now we were fighting about the past and all the underlying issues. Why couldn't I just do it? I remembered the last time and screamed at myself (inside my head) that there was no way I'd hurt either of us that way again! It needed to be done and it had to be done quickly before I could screw it up any more than I already had. I opened my mouth once more and said, "Listen, I'll call you later." I hung up and cried. I prayed and cried and asked God for the words. This was Sunday night... Today is Wednesday and it's still not done. For those of you who haven't figured out what in the world I'm going on about, I'm planning to end things with T.

I've been praying about it for weeks and I really feel that it's what's best for both of us. At first I thought it was his daughter's mother. Then I made my Facebook and MySpace private and allowed only IMs from people on my buddylist and the drama stopped. With the exception of one email, I haven't heard from her in weeks. Then I brought back the issue that we never did anything together. I complained daily that he didn't care about us and he was too comfortable. But (while the issue was never resolved) that wasn't it either.

The major thing is our faith issue. I have a delicate faith issue that I'm dealing with on my own and he didn't help at all. I still attend my non-denominational church and I'm even involved in the children's ministry and even recently signed up to help with the media ministry. But lately, I've also been more active with the young adult ministry from my Catholic church. It's very delicate for me because I've always considered myself to be Roman Catholic, even when I stopped attending Sunday Mass and let go of the young adult ministry. This actually should've been a good thing for T because if he'd said he didn't agree with the teaching of the Protestant church, I'd have fully accepted and even participated with him at a Catholic church, in fact, for the first few months that we were together, I'd attend weekly Sunday mass with him at a local parish. But no matter what dream he attempted to feed me, the truth will always come out. At some point, I guess he got tired of pretending and he stopped going to church. It wasn't all at once, but it seemed that almost every week, there was some reason or another why I'd have to go to church alone. Eventually I stopped asking and he stopped providing excuses. For me, god is first in my life. I can't imagine getting married to and having children with someone with whom I can't fully share my love of the Lord, and I just don't feel that I'd have that with T.

About two months ago, I wanted to sit and have a conversation with my Pastor (at the non-denominational church) and then decided against it because I was nervous that he'd ask about my relationship! I knew he'd counsel me against continuing something that was bringing me down and I just didn't want to have to face the reality that he'd be right if he did. At this point, I began to realize how bad this was for me. I've learned that evil wants to remain hidden and that if it was a healthy relationship I shouldn't have had any issues with discussing it openly. I began to pray daily about what to do. I discussed it with a few of my closest friends and had mixed reactions. One said that I shouldn't end it if I had any doubts at all because I probably wouldn't get another chance. Another friend said that if I felt this was best for me and I felt that it was where God was leading me, then I should go ahead with ending it. And then about a week and a half ago, the smartest thing ever was said to me by "Kitty". I stood in her kitchen going back and forth with my thoughts and she said, "You need to go ahead and end it. You're unhappy and it's not fair to him if you already know in your heart that this isn't going anywhere. You're taking away from his chance to move on." And at that moment, I knew what needed to be done. I went home that night and prayed. I asked God to give me peace with my decision and I felt a physical difference in my body. It was like someone had just taken me into a giant comforting bear hug and I was finally able to relax.

Which brings us to my plan. I figured I should do it in person, but since I haven't seen him recently (a whole other story.) I finally decided to end things over the phone on Sunday after yet another argument about nothing and everything. Part two of the plan was to do it quickly and not be apologetic. Here we are days later and it's still in limbo. Another part of the plan as to stick to the facts and not bring up the past or any of the smaller issues. I'm currently batting zero guys. I know that it sounds stupid and unimportant in the face of the world's problems, but if you could pray for me to have the right words, I'd appreciate it immensely. Oh! And if you could pray for T to have peace in this, I'd appreciate that also!

Monday, February 16, 2009

Secret Lives...

It's amazing how little anyone can really KNOW about anyone else. I'm realizing more each day how much we censor ourselves as we walk through life. I read over my blogs, twitter posts, and Facebook status updates and felt like such a fake. There are so many holes that most people will never know about. There are things that I've said and done, emotions that I've felt, prayers that I've prayed, and struggles I've endured that will never be made public. And knowing this about myself I have to wonder how little I really know about my friends and acquaintances.

I have a few friends who I speak to a couple of times each week (some a few times everyday!) and while they know most of the day to day going ons of my life does any one of the know me 100%? No. A couple come close (Comadre and Mari, thanks for listening to WAY TOO MUCH INFORMATION about my life!) but others would have to all get together and connect the different puzzle pieces to get a better idea of who I am.

This scares me somewhat because I've begun to realize how trusting I can be. I'm trying not to be cynical, but can you really trust anyone to have an unbiased opinion about your life? My MySpace status currently starts off with "Walk a mile in my shoes? You wouldn't make it down the block" and I'm starting to think that I have to remind myself of this every time I open my mouth and trustingly reveal some secret truth about myself. For some, my life seems like a walk in the park on a warm spring day, but believe me, there have been enough tears to fill a decent sized swimming pool, and enough pain to warrant more than a couple of extra strength Tylenol! I've made my share of questionable choices and have lived to learn my lesson. I've had those closest to me, hurt me in ways that even afterwards seemed unlikely. And I've had plenty of good days too. I've laughed and smiled my fair share, but believe me, my happiness has been well deserved.

I'm sorry for sort of rambling here, but it is MY blog isn't it? This is just one of the many things on my mind after being disappointed by someone who I really care about over the weekend. I still love him and pray that we'll continue our friendship, but it'll take time before I'm really 100% over it. And it'll definitely take time before I can see him the way that I used to.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

In the Long Run

When looking back over decisions and actions throughout our lives there are inevitably things that seemed easy at the time, that we now see weren't the best for us, and there are those things that seemed so difficult but then turned out great. Right now I'm about to embark on the "road less traveled" (or at least it's not often traveled by ME!) I'm stepping out of my comfort zone and doing something that I truly believe will benefit me hundredfold in the long run, the thing is that I'm in the midst of the situation and can't really see the whole picture right now. I've put it into prayer, and feel peace in a my decision. I believe that God is leading my heart in a specific direction and that I have to follow. It's the actual acting on this decision that is stressing me out though.

Can you guys pray for me? I need God to give me the right words and the willpower to stand by my decision wholeheartedly. If anyone has a suggestion of a particular scripture to meditate on, that would be greatly appreciated also!

Tough Decisions

Life is is simply a series of decisions, some easier than others, but each decision carries weight and effects not only us, but also those around us.

I made a decision. Not everyone agreed with my decision, but I'm an adult and have to do what I feel is best for me. I quickly began to see both positive and negative effects of that decision. Over the course of the last twelve months, my decision has touched each of the five major parts of my life: SOCIAL, EMOTIONAL, FINANCIAL, MENTAL, AND PHYSICAL. And then recently, I made another decision. And now I wait. I'd like to request your prayers in anticipation of tomorrow. I can't (ok, I can, but I won't) explain in any more detail than I already have for now, but tomorrow or Friday, I'll let you know how things went.

Thank you for your prayers.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Not Me Monday!

For more "Not Me Monday" fun, Visit MckMamma's blog!


It's been awhile, so without further ado here goes...

I didn't get pulled back into the Young Adult Ministry that I had sworn I'd stay away from and spend every day for the last two weeks talking to the group members! No way! I have much better things to do!

And there's NOT EVEN A CHANCE that I haven't seen my boyfriend since the 3rd of January! And in addition, there's no way that I've begun talking about a future without him in it (and I can only include this here because I've prayed and prayed and seeked respectable counsel... Now all that's left to do is go ahead and do what I know must be done... Ugh.. Any advice?)

On a brighter note, I HAVE NOT been walking around with a grin on my face for days because the Holy Spirit is working on things in my heart.

And, I didn't lazily put my hair in a messy ponytail (again) because I swore I was going to blow and cut it this weekend, and I ALWAYS get to EVERYTHING on my to-do list!

On Friday, I didn't in any way miss my friend's birthday party because I fell asleep while waiting for a call back from a friend who was going to drive me! I'm an A+ friend and would NEVER miss a friend's party.. And in addition I'm a ripe 25 years old and LOVE going out to clubs AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE and would NEVER fall asleep before 5 am on a weekend! (If you're reading this Sash, I'm SOOO sorry!)

Lastly, I did NOT tear up after watching the youth group prepare and serve soup and sandwiches and sheet cake for the local soup kitchen! I'm not a sappy cry baby!

Sigh... Feel much better now...

What HAVEN'T you done lately?

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Someday Saturday....

Callan's Mom came up with an idea for posts that I love called Someday Saturday. Make sure to check out her blog right here.

Onto my "someday"...

Someday, I'm going to donate lots of money to an organization to offers counseling to children of addicts.

Even at 25 years old, my father's alcoholism has the power to bring me to tears and absolutely stop my productivity. This is something that I'm thinking about right now because of the drunken phone call that I received about an hour ago. I used to deal with the calls much more often and even had the ability to just let my dad go on and on talking nonsense, while I did whatever I was doing when he called. As I've gotten older though, this has become more difficult. At some point a few years ago, my father finally decided to seek help and was even going to regular AA meetings. I was so proud of him whenever we'd go somewhere and he'd have a soft drink instead of liquor. After about a year, my father secretly began drinking again, and out of his embarrassment, he stopped speaking to me, my sister, and everyone else in the family. After landing himself in the hospital with ulcers a couple of years ago, my dad cut back to just a few beers here and there. I know what he's doing to his body and it scares me that he really is out of it when he drinks. Which brings me back to my "someday". I know that I'm not the only one dealing with this, and that I'm very lucky because I have a great support system, but I feel for others who've had to deal with the unfortunate problem of addict parents on their own.

What will you do "someday"?