Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Happy Lemon!

14 weeks pregnant today and so excited about tonight's doctor appointment! Let's see if I've gained anymore weight (so people will stop making fun of me.) I'm also going to see if we can come up with a plan for headache relief.

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Friday, March 12, 2010

Letter to my mom

Dear Mommy,

Thank you for being the best mom you could possibly be for me and the kids everyday of our lives. Thank you for your hard work, dedication, and sacrifices which made me the woman that I am today. I thought I understood appreciation but becoming a mother has TRULY opened my eyes.

I love you!


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Monday, March 8, 2010

Financial Woes (Part 2)

"For the Lord your God will bless you just as He promised you; you shall lend to many nations, but you shall not borrow; you shall reign over many nations, but they shall not reign over you. (DEUTERONOMY 15:6)

Last week I gave into the despair that had been looming for quite some time, always quietly threatening to push through my barriers of faith, and I wept tears of fear. I didn't look for words of comfort and direction in my bible as I normally do when I'm down. I ignored my husband's pleas for me to talk to him about what was wrong even when I could see that I was hurting him by pushing him away. I ignored my cousin's words spoken from a place of experience and even her offer for some tangible assistance. Instead, I allowed my fingers to vomit words of anguish and then clicked publish.

The 'reality' that I chose to live by in those hours of depression was an ugly one, but I rolled around in it until its stench was seeping out of every one of my pores. But that doesn't have to be the reality that my husband and I walk in. This weekend I spent some time in the promises of God and have decided that my future doesn't have to be bleak. Yes, I have a few bills, yes my house has normal necessities, and yes, often it does seem that it would be nice if That Dude and I had a little more income to cover some of these costs of living BUT we aren't nearly as bad off as I made it sound. We really are blessed in so many ways. Based on my calculations, we should have enough money coming in over the course of the next few weeks to bring our 'active bills' (e.g., electricity, Internet, cable, phones, etc - as opposed to the older debt) under control, if we make wise choices. We have family members who are willing to help a bit here and there until we're out of the hole. Lastly and most importantly, we have each other and the promises of the Lord that tell us of a brighter future!

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Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Financial Woes

**Disclaimer: I'm not asking for money, just sharing my struggle. This blog is sometimes simply a place where I can let things out before my head explodes from thinking so much.**

As I lay here in my quiet apartment, all I want to do is cry. Crazy thoughts run through my head: "Maybe all of the naysayers were right." Maybe we rushed into marriage without knowing what we were getting ourselves into." "Maybe we're just not going to be able to successfully pull this off."

No, That Dude and I aren't unhappy with each other. In fact, the love is so thick you can cut through it with a pair of scissors when you're around us! Our issue is money. More bills than we know what to do with and less income than we need to keep us afloat. Ok, that's not totally true, we can afford to pay our monthly bills and rent with our income. The problem is that we're still playing catch-up with the bills that we weren't paying so that we could pay for the wedding. It's so frustrating to have to wait ANOTHER week to go food shopping (we've been lucky in that there is a food pantry at That Dude's job and they've allowed us to bring home a few cans and some dry goods, but it just isn't enough to actually put together meals.) My mom has helped some, but even she doesn't really know how tight things have been for the last few weeks.

I know that I have to trust that God is going to carry us through this and that we'll be fine, but it's tough when I know that I've just sent my husband off to work without eating anything for breakfast and with no lunch money (again).

I do a great job of smiling and pretending that things are fine, but inside I'm struggling to stay afloat. I'm terrified of what our financial future looks like and I just don't know what to do anymore.
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