Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Relationships Are An Interesting Species of Animal...

How can it be that one day I'm crying about the difficulties of maintaining a successful relationship and the next I feel an overwhelming sense of love for T? How can it be that when things are bad I feel like it couldn't possibly be any worse, but the good times... aah... they are oh so good...

If you follow my twitter, then you may have received my update about the "cancer of relationships". But interesting enough, I feel much better today, even though not much has changed since Sunday. All was quiet yesterday as far as the princess' mother is concerned, and nothing spectacular happened between T and I, but as I headed home from work last night, my heart felt SO full of love for him!

I'm praying for things to improve for us. I really do love him dearly, and I know that he loves me too. We've agreed to sit and have a serious talk about what each of us would like to see changed and agree on some specific actions that need to be taken for those changes to take place. We've agreed that this conversation won't be about saving each others' feelings (we won't be nasty to each other, but we also won't hold things inside either. My prayers for our conversation? That God put the best words into my mouth so that I explain everything that I'm feeling without being mean. That God lead us both to a better understanding of each other. That love be our driving force.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

So Tired...

I know that relationships are sometimes difficult, but how do you make them at least a LITTLE simpler? Is love enough?

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Hello Everyone...

I just wanted to shoot off a quick post to say sorry for falling off the face of the blogosphere lately. If you've followed my Twittering, you might know that I've requested prayer for my family. Well I won't get into the personal details of my family right now, especially since our situation: 1. is still very real, 2. involves others even more than it affects me, and 3. for some reason, not everyone wants all their business shared with the blogging world (though for the life of me, I can't understand why not!?) Either way, I will make a formal request for our safety. I hope to be back to blogging regularly very soon. Over the next few days I'll even try to finish up and post some of the thankfulness posts that I worked on during my hiatus.

Thanks to everyone for your kind thoughts, words and prayers!

Friday, December 12, 2008

Thank God for Time!

Because I'm over my hours for this week, I got to sleep in a little later and come to work at 1pm today (always a blessing to rest a bit more, since I don't do so well during the night hours.) And even though I was super stressed about the article that I have to write for the organization's newsletter (in case you're wondering, it was supposed to be on my boss' desk by today) I no longer have to worry because I now have this weekend to work on it! So grateful for the extra time. Now I can hand something in that looks like an adult actually put it together! Yay!

Now I'm heading out to party in true holiday style! Tonight is my church Christmas party. Woot woot! Hopefully somebody else will take some good pics that I can snag from Facebook to show you guys! Chat with you mañana!!

P.S.-- I haven't told you guys about last weekend's drama with the baby's mother (gosh, I've really gotta work on everyone's blog names!) but just an update that he didn't go pick her up today (she supposedly has a virus, but I don't fully believe that) and we probably won't see her for her 1st birthday this Sunday (I had a feeling this would happen and it's why I suddenly stopped talking about the party, I didn't want to continue planning and then be disappointed in the end.) I'm not happy about it, but right now, even this couldn't knock the God-High that I have. CityLighters, I'll see you in a bit! And if you have a camera, make sure I'm smiling before you snap! Lol.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

DAY 10...

Let me begin by saying that it's somewhat difficult for me to choose my topic each day... not because of a lack of things to discuss, but because I have so many things that I could go on and on about!

Today though, I'll share with you how thankful I am for my photography classes. Yes, that's right, I'm taking a course on the basics of photography, and I'm really enjoying it! And though I use a manual film camera for the class, it's even improved my shots with my automatic digital also! Unfortunately I can't prove thact since my camera stopped working on Saturday while I was at a baby shower :o( T said that there's a warranty on it and that he'll contact Sony for me, so I guess it'll be even longer until I can upload my pics (my camera uses a mini sd card and there's no slot for that on my computer.)

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

My Ears and a Reminder That The Lord Provides...

I had a doctor's appointment today for my ears (they've been ringing for awhile and more recently I've experienced dizziness and some other symptoms also.) I've been stressing about money lots lately, so having to take half of a day off of work and then pay a $40 co-pay for a doctor to leave me in the waiting room for an hour and then spend all of 5 - 10 minutes listening to my symptoms/looking into my ears, all to say "Your ears look fine." isn't my idea of a good day! But, I must say that I feel wonderful knowing that I have a job with benefits like health insurance and personal days so that I can figure out what's going on with my health. And as for finances, I'm especially thankful today that without anyone's help, I'm able to pay my own co-payments. I must be some kind of grown up or something! ;o)

Monday, December 8, 2008

Sort of a cheat post...

Tired, but still want to post... Today I'm thankful that I'll be able to get a good night's sleep after a bit of a stressful afternoon yesterday. I'm also thankful that God guides my steps and is helping me to make some big decisions these days.

Goodnight all!

Sunday, December 7, 2008


I just had a great time serving in "kids church". I really do love our kids and always have fun when I'm on the schedule. Today the kids were especially great. Not too wild (though they had their moments of course) and actually listening as we taught about Paul (the older kids were particularly interested in hearing more about Saul's persecution of Christians and the fact that God changed his name, lol.)

So today as I give thanks, I'm especially thankful for the opportunity to learn more about teaching children through my experience at church. I'm also thankful for a great group of kids and parents. And lastly, that God is helping me to grow in patience and character through the children's antics (often very funny later on, though not so much in the actual moments!)

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Purity is the New Black!

Good morning friends! Well, I'll start by saying that I feel much better this morning spiritually than last night when I posted. I'm sure that the main reason is because I prayed so hard last night, and God never falls short on His promises (Yay God!)

But physically I'm not feeling so hot right now. I slept over at my boyfriend's house and apparently his bed is in desperate need of replacement, so my back is absolutely killing me right now.

This all leads me to my thankfulness post for today. Today, I'm glad to say that I'm thankful that God is keeping me pure. That's right ladies and gents, I'm saving myself for marriage. Let me back up a little. No, I'm not a virgin, although I wish I'd been smart enough to remain that way, but for many years, I had little to no self worth and looked to others to validate me including the belief that to be a "good" girlfriend I had certain obligations. I'm not sure exactly when that idea developed, though I do have some ideas as to why even though I don't recall anyone ever directly telling me that.

Then I came to the Lord, and one of the first changes to my life was the decision to attempt celibacy. In the beginning, it was a very religious decision, I felt that God didn't want me to and that I'd be making Him angry by having premarital sex. When that was my reasoning, it was a very difficult decision to stand by. With time and prayer though, my reasons changed. Today, I choose not to engage in sexual immorality because of myself and my own values. Today it's because I know that my body is something that I'd like to present to my husband as something special on our wedding night.

I'd also like to add that I'm thankful to have a boyfriend who respects my decision.

Have a great Saturday everyone!

Friday, December 5, 2008

Hard Days Call for... Blog Writing!

Ok, so my title isn't all that poetic, but guess what? This is my blog!

Today's post will be short (for once.) I had a great day and then an anointed church service in which the Holy Spirit did some great things! And then the damn enemy started his shit again. I'm so done with him today. So today I will say how thankful I am that I'm a child of the king! I know that a few years ago I wouldn't have recognized the attacks as easily, or if I did, I wouldn't have had the strength to fight it. I don't have enough energy to explain it all right now, but I ask that whoever is reading this could be kind enough to include me in your prayers. I know that God will be more than merciful.


Thursday, December 4, 2008

It's More Than Just Something to Do

It's not what I envisioned for myself... It's not even in the latter part of my "Ten-Year-Plan"... Some days I'm annoyed by just thinking about it... Have you guessed yet? Well I'll give you a hint, I'm on my way there as I write this post on my phone... My Job!

I've worked for my organization for a little more than two years now and it's been quite an interesting experience. We're a Catholic CBO working primarily with the Hispanic community of Upper Manhattan helping to bridge the gap between the community residents and resources available to them. Through this job, I've met many interesting and important people (NYC judges, local and state politicians, screenwriters, etc), I've gained skills (such as website management, better communication, and improved organization), and had lots of laughs. But like any job, at moments it's simply WORK.

Today though, I felt the need to take some time out to give thanks for the work that I do. While my own personality causes me to get bored easily no matter what I'm doing, and my mind sometimes wanders, I really do love my job. We have a small staff (as of Monday we grew to a full-time staff of five, plus we have a Jesuit priest that comes by two days a week and also works with us on some of our projects) and that allows us to just let things in the office flow. Having such a small staff also means things like:
-We go out to lunch together instead of having office parties,
-Throughout the work week, we often discuss our opinions on anything from celebrities, to food, to politics, to our personal values
-We help each other with projects since there usually no "team" to work on things

So on this fourth day, I'm grateful for my job!


At the end of the day I was called into the Executive Director's office. He asked how I felt about giving up one of my ongoing projects (I work together with our local Assembly Member to put together housing forums for the community as well as working on housing issues for any of our walk-ins or call-ins) and giving me the responsibility of taking over a program that we offer to young adults teaching evangelization and leadership. The thing about the program is that there is somebody on staff who coordinates this program. If I were to agree to take on this program, it would mean the following:

  • The other staff member would no longer work on this program and would only work on the library that we've been trying to open to the public (this is currently her other responsibility)
  • I would have to work one Saturday a month (I currently stop by to help out anyway, but it's voluntary and I usually come in the afternoon not the full day)
  • I'd have more job responsibilities I could put on my resumè (listen, I'm not leaving now, but I know that I'm not going to be here forever!)
  • I would REALLY have to get more organized
  • I'd be doing more networking
  • On the week that I work Saturday, I'd be able to take a weekday off of work (I'd probably choose the Friday before)
  • I'll be held accountable for keeping the program successful (we're currently having problems with attendance which is a big part of the reason for taking the responsibility off my co-worker's hands - she's been working lots on the library and this program is suffering)

I asked if I could sleep on it and my Director was understanding. I'm going to do some serious praying about this.

Sounds fun!

I heard about this in a cab (NYC has tvs in the cabs) and found it to be interesting.
Duracell Invites Consumers to Power the New Year at the Duracell Power Lodge in New York City's Times Square

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

It's "T" Time!

Thankfulness... Day 3...

Today is my sweetheart's birthday, so it's fitting that I should write today about why I'm thankful for him. Not long ago, I shared the story of how we got together, so you understand a little about our relationship already, but that's barely scratching the surface!

Despite our ups and downs, I have so much to be grateful for when it comes to T. He has been there for me in happy times (at my high school graduation he cheered as if I'd won the Nobel Prize!), in the difficult moments (like when I had a nervous breakdown and he came to pick me up then took me to and stayed with me in the hospital) and everything in between. I'm grateful that he manages to keep me humble, but never lets me put myself down and that in doing so, he's helped me to realize my self-worth. I'm grateful that he's helped me to see the importance of ignoring what everyone else thinks when reaching for my goals. I'm grateful that in many of my darkest moments, he brought a smile to my face. And that he helped me to understand that sometimes you just have to take out a few moments for silliness in your day or you'll go nuts!

I'm grateful for everything that the last 7 1/2 years has thrown our way (yup, even the not so happy moments!) and I pray that we get to spend the rest of our lives continuing to get to know and love each other more each day.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

"I wanna tell you something..."

When thinking about doing the 31 posts in December, I started working on a list of the things I could write about. For some of the topics, I instantly knew where in the month I would put them. For some topics, I had an idea of the order but no specific dates. And since I didn't want to completely limit myself, I didn't come up with 31, which leaves time throughout the month for me to give thanks for the unexpected stuff.

One topic that I know needed to be front and center was how grateful I am for my mother. She could come second ONLY to God. Ironically enough though, I'm even more thankful for my mother today than usual. Today after work, I will be attending a wake for the mother of an elementary school classmate. I cannot begin to imagine the pain of losing my mother at my age, and from the moment that I hard about the passing of my friend's mother, I've been overwhelmed by love for my own mother, so on this 2nd day of December, I bring to you: My Mommy!

My mom and I at my 24th birthday party at a lounge! Yup mama likes to party too!

There are so many reasons for me to give thanks for my mom. For most of my life, my mother was a single parent, and although she had help from my grandparents, she ran the show. My mother raised me with a love for God, a respect for myself as well as those around me, an understanding that the newest gadgets weren't the important things to expect in life, but that thoughtful love-filled actions were not to be neglected.

Mom and I at a baby shower last year (my mom is hot!)

I think back to some moments in my memory where my mom did whatever was necessary, and I want to laugh, cry, and just hug her. My favorite example:

-When I was in the 5th grade, my principal decided to have a dance for the 5th - 8th graders. I was so excited! My mom and I very carefully chose an outfit for the big event. I knew that I wanted to be dressed up snce this was a SUPER IMPORTANT NIGHT! On the night of the I dance wore a skirt and a fancy shirt and happily headed out the door. When I arrived at the school, I felt cool and confident and ready to face the world... until I noticed that everyone (well it surely seemed like everyone) was wearing jeans! Oh the horror! I ran into the bathroom and no amount of consoling, convincing or threats could get me out! What did my mother do? She got on the subway, went to my house and brought me a pair of jeans! I couldn't thank her enough! And while it may sound insignificant to even me after so many years, at that moment it was as big of a deal as anything could be.

Us on my 25th birthday at my grandparents' house.

So, once again, thanks mom for being you, and thanks God for a pretty cool mom!

Monday, December 1, 2008

Not Me Monday

For more "Not Me Monday" fun, Visit MckMamma's blog!

It's time for another round my lovelies! There's so much that I didn't do since my last post!

For starters, I did not miss last week's post because I was soooo exhausted that I just wanted to sleep at my desk. And I didn't get upset with myself as I finally did drift off to sleep (in my bed) because I really wanted to post. Who's addicted to blogging?? Not Me!

I didn't pray all week for Thanksgiving just so that I would have a few days off of work! And there's no way after a four day weekend someone walked into my office and said "What's wrong, you look exhausted!" and there's not a chance that after I was actually beginning to feel better, I let his words make me believe I was tired And I didn't spend the rest of the day complaining about how tired I was!

I also didn't do that thing where T asks "What's wrong?" and I say "Nothing" even though we both know I'm not happy. And when asked again, I didn't start crying for reasons unknown to even myself. This would go against all of the work that T and I have been doing to improve our communication and I would never do that!

I didn't let laziness get the best of me and forget to upload my pictures for the last 3 days so that I could show you the paper invites that will go out this week (seriously, I'll show you soon!)

And I'm not writing this post after 11pm because I was debating over whether or not to air my dirty laundry! You're my blog family and I can tell you ANYTHING!

Those of you who aren't as tired as I am should take a moment to check out MckMama's blog for the list of who else is participating in the weekly "Not Me" (plus her kids are adorable and she's got lots of pics up!) To everyone else, GOOD NIGHT!

NaBloPoMo - 31 in 31

Here's the plan, this month at NaBloPoMo the topic is "Thankfulness" and I've decided to make the attempt to post at least once daily for the month of December. Will you read along?


I felt that even in my blog there is a need to put God first, so today I'll talk a bit about how thankful I am for Him and what He's done for me.

While my posts don't say anti-Christian, there little that someone stumbling across my blog would find that would tell them that I'm a God-loving, nut for Jesus either (I really am though!)

God has been my foundation all along, but there are so many blessings that I can testify to especially in the last five years including being delivered from Chronic Depression and GAD (General Anxiety Disorder), my mother truly* coming to Christ, healings, financial blessings and so much more!

So today and every day for the rest of my life I'll be thankful for Christ's sacrifice on Calvery 2000 years ago.

*My family has always been Roman Catholic and our actions in life were loosely based on church teachings, but there was always (at least for me) a little something missing. In the Summer of 2004, I had a Romans 10:9** salvation at a church picnic in Central Park NYC and that Winter my mother and sister were saved also.

**Romans 10:9 says "That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved."