Jul 12 12:55am

I love him like I've never loved anyone before. I could spend three lifetimes with him and it wouldn't be long enough. I pray that he knows that and feels the same way.

I feel like I'm finally beginning to understand him better. I feel like we're finally connecting on a deeper level. I want that to continue. I wish I could get into is head sometimes though.


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5 Day Test

As just about every person who has encountered me in the last few weeks knows, I'm scheduled to get married this upcoming Saturday, December 19th, to my best friend. A few hours ago, a serious test of our trust, love and future became a major part of our equation.

Out of respect to That Dude, our friendship and the almost-year-long relationship that we have, I will not get into details here, but I do ask the you pray for us.

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Cuz It Ain't Real Til It's On Facebook

That Dude and I are "officially" in a relationship, so if you've been wondering who he is and you're one of my FB friends, feel free to go check him out!

Grown (Up) Relationship...

Ask a random group of teenagers today, "What makes a relationship a mature adult relationship?", and I'm sure at least some of them will answer with one word: SEX. I feel differently though. I feel that I had one of the most mature conversations with that dude recently. It wasn't an easy subject to bring up in conversation, but we sat down and discussed the fact that we do not want this relationship to get physical. If you've read my previous posts, you know that I wasn't having sex in my last relationship either, so this conversation may seem like it should've been an easy one for me. The truth though is that we were abstaining by my choice only. This fact became more apparent with each day that passed. Eventually the passive aggressiveness turned into hurtful words every time I'd refuse to even discuss sex as an option. I felt like I was making a good decision, but I began to wonder if t was even worth it. Thank goodness, I chose to turn to The Word for advice instead giving into the pressure. Once I was strengthened in the Lord, it really was smooth sailing like never before.

Fast forward to That Dude and I. I wasn't even sure how to begin, but once I started, I was able to get all of my feelings out and a good explanation of, why it was a good idea to wait. When I was done, I got an answer that I definitely wasn't prepared for, "Good, because I was thinking the same thing. I think it's important that we wait." WHAT?! I don't have to put together a PowerPoint presentation? I don't have to justify it? I don' have to answer a million questions? This all seemed too easy! We've discussed it further after the initial conversation and we're honest with each other that it won't always be the easiest to follow through on, but it will ALWAYS be worth it!

God Redeems in His Time...

As you know, I was debating the idea of dating someone new. Well, after LOTS of prayer and communication, I've entered the "DATING" stage with someone new. He's been a good friend for quite a few years and we've decided together to take this step.

In answer to the most common questions from the few people who know that we're dating:

• Yes he's a Christian and has a SERIOUS love for Jesus
• He's one of my closest friends, so this was an almost natural progression in our relationship
• He's hard-working and has some great goals and dreams
• We've agreed to try to take things slowly, so no, we don't have any big plans for the future yet! (I just want to add a note here to say that one of my issues with some Christians and their dating habits is that they want things to be PERFECT before getting into a relationship and they set up these ridiculous expectations for the requirements before dating and then when they do start dating, they want to get married like a week later! This is NOT us!! We like each other's company. We like each other as people. We're just enjoying that for now!)

As for my title, I just want to say that I know that there are people who will not agree with me dating someone new a month and a half after ending things with T, but I've really prayed about this and asked God for guidance and really dug into The Word and over and over, I feel that God is giving me peace in this decision. Over and over, throughout the bible, we see that things happen in GOD's time, not the time limits placed by man. I know that God wants nothing more than my happiness and I truly believe that if I proceed forward with this using God as my compass, I'll be led in the right direction.

This is especially important as part of my Growing (Up) series of posts because until recently, I've made 90% of my decisions based on the words, actions, and thoughts of others! The fact that I'm willing to make this decision against the well wishes of some people really shows me that I've come a long way in life!

A Little Help Please...?

I need help!!

Is it ridiculous for me to have developed feelings for someone so quickly after my break-up? Is it wrong for me to be entertaining the possibility of a new relationship already?

I need help with this one like never before!! Also, I'm thinking about the qualities I want in a mate and I'd love to hear your suggestions for qualities that should be on "THE LIST"

What I've learned about Relationships...

**I ACTUALLY WROTE THIS ON THE 9TH, BUT NEVER FINISHED IT, SO I'M POSTING IT NOW**

A high school classmate posted the following question in a Facebook note:

"Would you stay with a person if you knew they were never going to marry you?"

Relationships are something that I spend a lot of time thinking about, and I already had an answer for her question:

"I wouldn't. To me, the point of a relationship is to lead towards marriage. I'm not saying that I'm planning my wedding in month one, but there should be an understanding that if we're going from just dating to a serious relationship,
it's because there's a plan for the future. I also see it as a waste of time
that would be better spent finding my forever man."

I figured that my blog was as good a place as any to expand on this answer. As I said in my response, I don't necessarily think that after a month of being in a relationship we should be buying rings, but at the same time, I've learned some key things from both recent and past experiences as well as conversations with friends, preaching from the pulpit, and two great books that I recommend for everyone "Waiting and Dating" and "Every Young Woman's Battle" (although, I'll mention that "Every Young Woman's Battle" is geared toward a high school aged crowd, so you should check out the other books in the "Every Man Series" to see what feels most comfortable for you.)

1. Men and women were made to have certain Man-Woman feelings for each other that can sometimes blind us. Pastor B puts it best when he explains that he can't cast these feelings out of you, because when you get married, he'd have to cast them back into you! So once we know that the feelings are there to stay, what can we do? We can remind ourselves that we are human beings with self control and rational thinking, and physical feelings do not control us, and that those feelings are not enough to determine whether or not a relationship will work.

2. When you're friends (really friends though, not simply acquaintances) with a person before jumping into a relationship, you have time to learn a lot about them. How do they treat others? How they react to difficulties and blessings (I know some sore winners who are much worse to deal with than any sore loser I've ever met!) What they value most in life. And even, how they deal with those that they date (if you're close enough friends for long enough.) These are only some of the things that you should be observing. Pay attention in the friendship stage for things that you love and hate. People are who they are and they will not change once you get into a relationship, things will jut be a more intense version of what they already are!

3. You shouldn't even get into a relationship with someone until: a) you feel that you're marriage material and b) they are marriage material FOR YOU! My suggestion is to make sure that both of these are present. This requires some work beforehand, since you need to figure out for yourself what characteristics you deem necessary for marriage. Do you feel that you won't get married until you have a college degree? Then why are you in a relationship as a senior in high school? Get yourself together before even working on a relationship. And figure out what you want from a significant other also. Do you know that your faith is important to you and you never miss Sunday mass? Why are you getting into a relationship with an Atheist? They could be a great person for all intents and purposes, but are they marriage material FOR YOU? This is especially important because feelings within relationships sometimes snowball and you don't want to invest lots of time and emotion on a relationship that isn't right.

4. It's OK to date! I don't know about everyone else, but I wasn't raised in a culture that encouraged dating. Either you had a boyfriend/girlfriend or you didn't, but there was no acceptable in between place. If you chose to date different people, you were a "player" or a "whore" even if you weren't doing anything more than dating. It has taken me time, experience and counsel of good friends to realize that it is quite alright for a man to take me out to dinner and a movie without there being any plan for a future. I do have feelings about how to choose dates and what should come prior to dating, but that's a whole post in and of itself! But once two mature people feel that they are ready to date, I think the practice should be encouraged.


So, what do you think about relationships leading nowhere? And what relationship advice have you learned along the way?

It's Over - CASO CERRADO!

Well, it's official. T and I are no longer together. It started again last night with me telling him how tired I am of everything and how I gave up on us and this relationship months ago to which he replied, "Well if you feel that way Mel, let me stop wasting your time. Let's just end it now." I think he thought his words would hurt me or shock me to "my senses", but I simply said, "OK." I quickly ended our conversation when he started saying that I couldn't be serious, but knew it wouldn't be that easy and I was right. At ten minutes to three o'clock this morning, I was woken up by a phone call from him. This morning was the amazing part though, he called me to make sure I was awake for work as he's done for over a year now, and said, "I can't wait 'til you see that I really have changed and this relationship gets better." HUH? I didn't know how to respond! Apparently, we HADN'T broken up after all! He called me again as I was walking to my office and I explained that I had done what I felt was best for us. At that point he realized I was serious and the anger began. It's now a bit after 9pm and I've spent the whole day taking and ignoring his calls. I've listened to so many voicemails that I've lost count, and I've told him repeatedly that 1. It's not another man, it's THE ONLY man (God), and 2. That I honestly don't think that I have to put any more thought into this decision than I already have. Some calls are the angry kind and those I end quickly. Some calls are sad, this hurts so much;how can you do this so easily calls. The remainder are promises of a better relationship. He promises to take me out and try new things and go to church every Sunday... I explained that he should do whatever he feels is necessary to improve himself, and to do it for himself and the baby and that I pray that he finds someone to make him happy. He's still insisting. I'm still praying for his peace.

Plan vs. Action

I knew what had to be done. I prayed and God gave me peace of mind. I opened my mouth to say the words and what came out wasn't right. I was arguing. That wasn't in the plan. I tried again... Still wrong. Now we were fighting about the past and all the underlying issues. Why couldn't I just do it? I remembered the last time and screamed at myself (inside my head) that there was no way I'd hurt either of us that way again! It needed to be done and it had to be done quickly before I could screw it up any more than I already had. I opened my mouth once more and said, "Listen, I'll call you later." I hung up and cried. I prayed and cried and asked God for the words. This was Sunday night... Today is Wednesday and it's still not done. For those of you who haven't figured out what in the world I'm going on about, I'm planning to end things with T.

I've been praying about it for weeks and I really feel that it's what's best for both of us. At first I thought it was his daughter's mother. Then I made my Facebook and MySpace private and allowed only IMs from people on my buddylist and the drama stopped. With the exception of one email, I haven't heard from her in weeks. Then I brought back the issue that we never did anything together. I complained daily that he didn't care about us and he was too comfortable. But (while the issue was never resolved) that wasn't it either.

The major thing is our faith issue. I have a delicate faith issue that I'm dealing with on my own and he didn't help at all. I still attend my non-denominational church and I'm even involved in the children's ministry and even recently signed up to help with the media ministry. But lately, I've also been more active with the young adult ministry from my Catholic church. It's very delicate for me because I've always considered myself to be Roman Catholic, even when I stopped attending Sunday Mass and let go of the young adult ministry. This actually should've been a good thing for T because if he'd said he didn't agree with the teaching of the Protestant church, I'd have fully accepted and even participated with him at a Catholic church, in fact, for the first few months that we were together, I'd attend weekly Sunday mass with him at a local parish. But no matter what dream he attempted to feed me, the truth will always come out. At some point, I guess he got tired of pretending and he stopped going to church. It wasn't all at once, but it seemed that almost every week, there was some reason or another why I'd have to go to church alone. Eventually I stopped asking and he stopped providing excuses. For me, god is first in my life. I can't imagine getting married to and having children with someone with whom I can't fully share my love of the Lord, and I just don't feel that I'd have that with T.

About two months ago, I wanted to sit and have a conversation with my Pastor (at the non-denominational church) and then decided against it because I was nervous that he'd ask about my relationship! I knew he'd counsel me against continuing something that was bringing me down and I just didn't want to have to face the reality that he'd be right if he did. At this point, I began to realize how bad this was for me. I've learned that evil wants to remain hidden and that if it was a healthy relationship I shouldn't have had any issues with discussing it openly. I began to pray daily about what to do. I discussed it with a few of my closest friends and had mixed reactions. One said that I shouldn't end it if I had any doubts at all because I probably wouldn't get another chance. Another friend said that if I felt this was best for me and I felt that it was where God was leading me, then I should go ahead with ending it. And then about a week and a half ago, the smartest thing ever was said to me by "Kitty". I stood in her kitchen going back and forth with my thoughts and she said, "You need to go ahead and end it. You're unhappy and it's not fair to him if you already know in your heart that this isn't going anywhere. You're taking away from his chance to move on." And at that moment, I knew what needed to be done. I went home that night and prayed. I asked God to give me peace with my decision and I felt a physical difference in my body. It was like someone had just taken me into a giant comforting bear hug and I was finally able to relax.

Which brings us to my plan. I figured I should do it in person, but since I haven't seen him recently (a whole other story.) I finally decided to end things over the phone on Sunday after yet another argument about nothing and everything. Part two of the plan was to do it quickly and not be apologetic. Here we are days later and it's still in limbo. Another part of the plan as to stick to the facts and not bring up the past or any of the smaller issues. I'm currently batting zero guys. I know that it sounds stupid and unimportant in the face of the world's problems, but if you could pray for me to have the right words, I'd appreciate it immensely. Oh! And if you could pray for T to have peace in this, I'd appreciate that also!

Annoyed...

I'm sitting here in T's sister's house and I'm pretty annoyed. Are these the people who I want to spend the rest of my life with? Are these the people who I want as my children's relatives?

1. Constant cursing...
...I'm not saying that I don't ever curse, but does EVERY sentence really require profanity?
2. Smoking 10 feet away from the children...
...And then saying "Don't bring her over here, I'm smoking." HELLO!! You DO realize that your smoke can travel across the room, don't you?
3. Constantly calling T "Stupid" or "Retarded"...
...'nuff said
4. Not allowing T to take care of simple things for the princess...
...Need a diaper changed? Gimme her! Need a bottle? Gimme her! She barely whimpers because she's tired, hungry, or simply because she's a BABY??? GIMME HER!!! God forbid the man should even hold his own daughter for more than 30 seconds!

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Gotta go to the store... Be back...

Relationships Are An Interesting Species of Animal...

How can it be that one day I'm crying about the difficulties of maintaining a successful relationship and the next I feel an overwhelming sense of love for T? How can it be that when things are bad I feel like it couldn't possibly be any worse, but the good times... aah... they are oh so good...

If you follow my twitter, then you may have received my update about the "cancer of relationships". But interesting enough, I feel much better today, even though not much has changed since Sunday. All was quiet yesterday as far as the princess' mother is concerned, and nothing spectacular happened between T and I, but as I headed home from work last night, my heart felt SO full of love for him!

I'm praying for things to improve for us. I really do love him dearly, and I know that he loves me too. We've agreed to sit and have a serious talk about what each of us would like to see changed and agree on some specific actions that need to be taken for those changes to take place. We've agreed that this conversation won't be about saving each others' feelings (we won't be nasty to each other, but we also won't hold things inside either. My prayers for our conversation? That God put the best words into my mouth so that I explain everything that I'm feeling without being mean. That God lead us both to a better understanding of each other. That love be our driving force.

So Tired...

I know that relationships are sometimes difficult, but how do you make them at least a LITTLE simpler? Is love enough?