Saturday, November 22, 2008

Guestlist - Part 2 (AKA: It's Not Easy Being Green...)

I 've had a couple of hard days.

Planning this party had been very enjoyable... until I wrote the guestlist post, then it became another thing on the To-Do list. After happily sending off the post (most of my posting is done by email from my phone - Windows Mobile Baby!) I began to envision all of the guests enjoying themselves at an amazingly coordinated party (listen, don't judge my optimistic thoughts, ok?!) but as I thought about it more and more, my mind was overtaken by a different set of thoughts. The party was still ridiculously amazing, but the guests weren't all that nice to me.

For you to better understand why ANYONE would not be nice to ME (of all people) and why we'd invite not so nice people to the party, I have to explain a little about my relationship with T.

When I was 17 years old, I was heavily involved in a youth ministry group at my church. On one particular day, I went to the house of a friend from the group. T was there. We spoke a little and that seemed to be the end of it. A few months went by and one day said friend Instant Messaged me asking if she could give her cousin my contact info. T and I emailed back and forth a couple of times and eventually hung out and started dating. We were together from June '01 to April '06 and there were normal ups and downs. Our breakup wasn't the nicest and left hurt feelings on both sides. T and I spoke very little for a little over a year. During this time some of T's family took free reign with trashing my name. One particular family member specifically took joy in spreading some really nasty (and false) rumors about me in our neighborhood (I live right around the corner from most of T's family.)

In May '07 T called me and told me that he was going to be a father. I was surprised, but happy for him. We began to talk again and our friendship was 100% platonic. He and the baby's mother were having problems and around this time, they agreed to split up. We began to hang out pretty regularly. In December the baby was born. Around the same time, I realized that my feelings for him had begun to grow. In February '08 we decided to try our chances at a relationship again. Fast forward to party planning time. Although T and I have put the past behind us, some people still believe the falsities that were said about me and others feel that I interfered in T's relationship and am the reason why it ended, so I'm understandably not jumping for joy at the idea of being trapped in a room with them for even a short time.

I'm going to discuss my feelings with T, but I don't see any options other than helping to plan the party and just not going. (Le Sigh)

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