Tuesday, November 25, 2008

25 ain't easy! (Alternately Titled "Quarter Life Crisis")

While I fully realize that every age comes with its own set of challenges, this age has been difficult for quite a few reasons, including:

-Relationship with T: 1. Getting back into a relationship with T wasn't the easiest decision to make and some days are more difficult than others. While we've both grown up drastically in our time apart, a major part of my growth has been in my relationship with God, and we don't always seem to see eye-to-eye on matters of faith. It's not that T tries in ANY way to hinder my relationship with God, but he also doesn't make as much effort as I'd want, to share in this relational experience. Granted, he's gone to church with me a couple of times in the last 9 months, but I just don't understand how why he's not ridiculously in love with Christ and super excited about going to service... Ok, ok, I'll admit I don't always jump out of bed on Sunday mornings, but if HE WANTED to go at least somewhat regularly, I'd be much happier. 2. The second major reason why our relationship has been more difficult than some is because of the strain caused by trying to figure out the semantics of dealing with Daddy's Little Princess and all that comes with this little person (including her mother, outsiders' assumptions about my reactions, and learning how to be accomodating when it's a visit weekend!) Don't get me wrong, I love this child more than I expected I'd be able to (in fact, I still get surprised at how happy seeing her makes me!) but unlike a mother, I didn't have any prep time leading up to my relationship with her.

-Relationships with friends: I spent a lot of years feeling unpopular and alone, no matter how many phone calls/emails/IMs I received, or (as I got older) no matter how many nights each week I hung out/was invited to hang out. Part of this came from serious emotional problems that I suffered from for about 15+ years (for those doing the math, I've been told that if you knew what to look for, the symptoms of depression were somewhat evident at least by the time I was 10 years old, and I fully remember the anxiety being present as early as 8 or 9 years old.) God has healed me of both General Anxiety Disorder and Chronic Depression, but I'm still working out in my mind how real friendship works, so I will sometimes go from keeping up walls to block those who care and really could be good friends to the opposite extreme of practically telling my life story to those whom I barely know (hence the blog! LOL - It takes lots of rereading and editing for me to post "normal" content in my posts, feel free to let me know when I reveal TMI*.)

-The transition from child to adult: 25 is hitting the late part of the transitional period, but it's still difficult. For some of my peers, the transition is long over, but there are a few reasons why I'm still working through this, the main reason being that I still live at home. There are both benefits and drawbacks to this, one example being that for most intents and purposes, I still live by my mother's rules (understanding the fact that my mother isn't ridiculous with rules does make it more beneficial than not though.)

-Working full-time (which sometimes includes early and late meetings), going back to school for a Bachelor's Degree (when some of my friends have/are working on Graduate Degrees), finding time for ministry (which sometimes gets a position on the back burner), balancing family/friends/my relationship with T, and at some point during every 24 hour period, I try to get something to eat and some sleep (these too seem to get neglected as back burner tasks.)

-Learning to fully trust God and not stick myself in the way (a difficult task at almost any age!)

*Too Much Information

Anyone else finding their current age extra difficult? Or is there an age that, looking back, felt more difficult than it really was?

No comments: