Project 365???

So, two of my resolutions for the new year are to blog regularly and pull out my scrapbooking stuff more often, put those together with my inspiration from Jessica Turner and it looks like I'll be starting my very own Project 365!

I think it'll be interesting (to me at least) to see what in the world I come up with!

Happy Aniversary to Mr. Mel!

Dear That Dude,

One year ago we took the biggest (conscious) leap of our lives. This year hasn't been all rainbows and butterflies, but I wouldn't trade any of our experiences for anything in the world. 




I'm sorry that I didn't live up to my promise of you having your Camaro by the end of our first year, but (I think) what I DID give you is much better!

You are more than deserving of my respect and you have shown me that over and over in both the awesome and the difficult moments.

Thank you for helping me to learn more about you as a person, the meaning of true love, and so much about myself (and thank you for your patience along the way!)

I look forward to the many happy years ahead of us.

I love you F+1.

-Mel

P.S. - We made it through the first year! Where are all of the haters and naysayers now?!

I forgot...

...my office keys...
...my cell phone charger...
...Kotex (just got my first postnatal period)...
...my adapter for my breast pump!

Not sure where my head was at this morning, but I just want to turn around and go back home!!


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I Couldn't Have Said it Better Myself!

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."
-St. Augustine

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Laundry Help

He was cold, the clothes were warm and... BAM! Easy solution!

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Sleepy Baby

Daddy's snoring must be white noise because he was terribly fussy until That Dude fell asleep and started snoring (loudly!) LOL.

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The Photos Are In!!!!!!

The First of Our Maternity Photos is In!!

Our awesome photographer posted this pic on Facebook. I absolutely love it and can't wait to see the rest!! We LOVE you Jenn!

Overload of Love

I am so blessed by my church family! They have helped to ease my anxiety about the changes that are about to come. CityLight Church, That Dude and I are so grateful for you!!

Not Me! Monday

I did NOT just realize last night that a baby gift that we received two weeks ago isn't in our house! I will NOT have to call That Dude's aunt today to ask if we left the gift at her house.

I did NOT eat 4 cinnamon donuts and a white powdered one in 3 days. I also DIDN'T have chocolate chip cookies AND homemade chocolate cake at my babyshower yesterday! I have optimal eating habits and would NEVER consume that much sugar in such a short time!

What HAVEN'T you done lately?
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"I won't be made useless, I won't be idle with despair, I will gather myself around my faith, For light does the darkness most fear" (Jewel - "My Hands")
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My 1st Babyshower

That Dude has some awesome (just like family) friends who put together a small babyshower for us recently. We love you guys and can't thank you enough!

3rd Trimester Sleepiness

Yup... That's how I feel at work everyday lately. I think it's almost time for Chocolate Chip to make his appearance!

Monday Morning Musing

Never eat spaghetti in a home where the person cooking thinks the saying is, "A washed pot never boils."


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How I Know That It's Almost Time

I don't feel bad about not going to church tonight! Generally I try to attend the Friday night as well as the Sunday services at my church. Tonight though, all I can think about is heading home to take a hot shower, writing a few thank you cards and then spending the rest of the evening in bed! That Dude is at a seminar tonight, so it's just me, the DVR and my bed, and I'm truly ok with that! A few weeks ago, I would've dragged myself (I love my church, but I've been feeling so tired lately) to church because I would've felt like I owed it to someone. AND since tomorrow I have to be there to begin setting up at 9am for our annual block party, I know that I need the rest!

Green Bunting

NaBloPoMo's theme for August is "green" and while I've never actually completed a month of blogging daily, I thought that this was enough incentive as any to write about our first registry gift arriving in the mail!

Imagine my surprise when I arrived home from a friend's house and I had a package waiting for me. I had recently bought some stuff on eBay, but I was certain that it was too soon for that. I opened it and was pleasantly surprised to find:

Yay! Chocolate Chip will be both warm AND cute this Winter!
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Jul 12 12:55am

I love him like I've never loved anyone before. I could spend three lifetimes with him and it wouldn't be long enough. I pray that he knows that and feels the same way.

I feel like I'm finally beginning to understand him better. I feel like we're finally connecting on a deeper level. I want that to continue. I wish I could get into is head sometimes though.


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Just Waiting

I'm sitting in the laundrymat waiting for a small load to finish so that That Dude and I can head out to the beach with some friends! It's my first beach visit in a few years even though we have at least 5 beaches that are fairly easily accessible even without a car. I can't wait!

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Growing Steadily...

Yup, there is DEFINITELY a healthy baby growing steadily inside of me!

18 Weeks

20 Weeks

23 Weeks (My 27th b'day!)

25 Weeks

Mami & Papi can't wait to meet you baby!

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April 24

I just lay down, pull the covers over my head and let silent tears flow. What a way to celebrate my healing. I feel like a hypocrite sometimes. I have the faith to receive healing when others pray but I won't take authority over my own feelings. How could I be high on Jesus at 8:30 last night and feel so damn low 15 hours later?

I felt like a terrible daughter when I ruined my mom's morning by crying the whole time she visit with me in the hospital. Why do I always have to be such a dramatic cause for worry? And now I'm waiting for the sucky wife of the year award since I can barely give my husband any affection. I'm scared to speak because I know it'll lead to petty and unnecessary bickering.

I'm tired of feeling this way and I know I need help but I feel like I have to carry everyone else right now and just don't know when there will be a moment for me. Even my free moments are dedicated to making lists and researching parenting stuff. And God knows there won't be much free time AFTER I give birth!

How do people live? Like really live? Some people just seem to have it all figured out and know how to keep it all together. What's the big secret? I want in!
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Emotional Rollercoaster

I have (what I think is) an important post in drafts about marriage. Now I don't claim to be anywhere near expert level, but I AM married, and in just 4 months, I have begun to learn a thing or two.

If you've read my last few posts you might think that That Dude and I are having problems, well, I assure you that we're fine! We are more in love (most days) than we've ever been before, so just stay tuned and in the next day or two I hope to get this post up and maybe some feedback from you (yes, YOU!)

3:30am

Laying here in bed. So in love. So full of doubt and worry. All of the "what if's" running through my head like a freight train at full speed. Wish I could say that "only time will tell" but the reality is that if you're good at being bad then time won't reveal much and if you're good at being good I don't want to keep wasting time with unnecessary jealousy. Why can't I just confront you? Why don't I have the guts to ask you about it?

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Sometimes...

...It is hard to trust...
...I just want to give up...
...You say and do little things that hurt but I don't say anything...
...You do little things that I notice but don't mention for the sake of not sounding paranoid or being the crazy jealous wife...


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3:20am

Thoughts racing through my mind
Amazingly I trust
More annoyed than scared
Why aren't we on the same wavelength?

Is it age that makes us so different?
Is it male vs female?
Why is it so easy for him
And so hard for me to understand?

Listening to breathing in the dark
Praying that the next few months will bring a conversion
Knowing that it will take more than simply time
Worrying that I'll be too hard - or worse, too soft

Oh baby, how I worry about your daddy
I worry about how we're connecting
Am I doing something wrong?
Or are my expectations simply skewed?

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Happy Lemon!

14 weeks pregnant today and so excited about tonight's doctor appointment! Let's see if I've gained anymore weight (so people will stop making fun of me.) I'm also going to see if we can come up with a plan for headache relief.

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Letter to my mom

Dear Mommy,

Thank you for being the best mom you could possibly be for me and the kids everyday of our lives. Thank you for your hard work, dedication, and sacrifices which made me the woman that I am today. I thought I understood appreciation but becoming a mother has TRULY opened my eyes.

I love you!

-Mel

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Financial Woes (Part 2)

"For the Lord your God will bless you just as He promised you; you shall lend to many nations, but you shall not borrow; you shall reign over many nations, but they shall not reign over you. (DEUTERONOMY 15:6)

Last week I gave into the despair that had been looming for quite some time, always quietly threatening to push through my barriers of faith, and I wept tears of fear. I didn't look for words of comfort and direction in my bible as I normally do when I'm down. I ignored my husband's pleas for me to talk to him about what was wrong even when I could see that I was hurting him by pushing him away. I ignored my cousin's words spoken from a place of experience and even her offer for some tangible assistance. Instead, I allowed my fingers to vomit words of anguish and then clicked publish.

The 'reality' that I chose to live by in those hours of depression was an ugly one, but I rolled around in it until its stench was seeping out of every one of my pores. But that doesn't have to be the reality that my husband and I walk in. This weekend I spent some time in the promises of God and have decided that my future doesn't have to be bleak. Yes, I have a few bills, yes my house has normal necessities, and yes, often it does seem that it would be nice if That Dude and I had a little more income to cover some of these costs of living BUT we aren't nearly as bad off as I made it sound. We really are blessed in so many ways. Based on my calculations, we should have enough money coming in over the course of the next few weeks to bring our 'active bills' (e.g., electricity, Internet, cable, phones, etc - as opposed to the older debt) under control, if we make wise choices. We have family members who are willing to help a bit here and there until we're out of the hole. Lastly and most importantly, we have each other and the promises of the Lord that tell us of a brighter future!


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Financial Woes

**Disclaimer: I'm not asking for money, just sharing my struggle. This blog is sometimes simply a place where I can let things out before my head explodes from thinking so much.**

As I lay here in my quiet apartment, all I want to do is cry. Crazy thoughts run through my head: "Maybe all of the naysayers were right." Maybe we rushed into marriage without knowing what we were getting ourselves into." "Maybe we're just not going to be able to successfully pull this off."

No, That Dude and I aren't unhappy with each other. In fact, the love is so thick you can cut through it with a pair of scissors when you're around us! Our issue is money. More bills than we know what to do with and less income than we need to keep us afloat. Ok, that's not totally true, we can afford to pay our monthly bills and rent with our income. The problem is that we're still playing catch-up with the bills that we weren't paying so that we could pay for the wedding. It's so frustrating to have to wait ANOTHER week to go food shopping (we've been lucky in that there is a food pantry at That Dude's job and they've allowed us to bring home a few cans and some dry goods, but it just isn't enough to actually put together meals.) My mom has helped some, but even she doesn't really know how tight things have been for the last few weeks.

I know that I have to trust that God is going to carry us through this and that we'll be fine, but it's tough when I know that I've just sent my husband off to work without eating anything for breakfast and with no lunch money (again).

I do a great job of smiling and pretending that things are fine, but inside I'm struggling to stay afloat. I'm terrified of what our financial future looks like and I just don't know what to do anymore.
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Our Pictures Are In!!

 

Stop right here if you’re not interested in seeing a bunch of wedding photos!  :)  Otherwise, ENJOY!!

 

 

 

 

 

How Soon is "TOO SOON"?

That Dude and I have a running joke about our ability to "take things slowly" (or better stated, our lack thereof!) When people ask about our relationship and how long we dated, I always laugh before answering. He and I had been best friends for years and, during the winter of 2008, as things went downhill with my ex, I found myself spending more and more time crying to him about how I'd "NEVER find my forever man". He was always great about telling me to pray about it and to do whatever I felt was really best for me. Eventually things ended and then suddenly in February 2009 That Dude and I began to notice the feelings that were developing between us. We discussed it and agreed to "take things slowly" since I'd so recently broken up with my ex. We continued to hang out regularly and in March we decided to date exclusively with the strict rule that we'd "take things slowly" for fear of what a romantic relationship could do to our friendship if it didn't work out (we had dated VERY briefly when we first met but had decided that friends were all we were meant to be - we weren't so sure that we'd be that lucky the second time around.) We quickly realized how much we cared for each other and two months later, That Dude proposed to me on my 26th birthday, and two days short of seven months later, I was walking down the aisle!

As you can see, we have a slightly different concept of the meaning of the word slow than most people! So of course what was intended to be a serious conversation turned into lots of laughter last night when I said that we should revisit our premarital compromise on how long to wait before trying to have kids. When we first discussed it, I wanted to wait around one calendar year before beginning to try to get pregnant and That Dude (who is slightly younger than I am, and therefore not thinking about babies yet) felt that a more reasonable amount of time to wait would be AT LEAST three to four years. After lots of talking and praying, we finally agreed that we'd wait the one year (with the understanding that it may take us a little while to actually conceive since I had an ovary removed at 18. As we got closer and closer to the wedding though, I began to feel more of a need to wait it out and enjoy each other and he began to think more and more that we should begin sooner than later! Now that we're married though it's not just a thought to ponder, it's a reality that we have to think about every time we (ahem) lay with each other.

Although we know that in the end it's a decision that only we can truly make for ourselves, we've begun to seek advice from people whose opinions we value. Which brings me to you guys. If there is anyone with an opinion on this topic leave me a comment.

Just BECAUSE...

I screwed up dinner BECAUSE I wasn't paying attention BECAUSE I was angry and hurt BECAUSE That Dude asked if I'd mind if he went to the pool hall with his friends after dinner...

I felt hurt and angry BECAUSE I was trying to surprise him with a dinner that I KNEW he'd love BECAUSE I love him and want to see him happy and I felt unloved BECAUSE I felt like he didn't want to spend time with me.

And he ate it and said it was great but I know he was lying BECAUSE I was eating the same thing and it pretty much sucked.

Sigh...

Living on a Budget...

It's much harder to stick to a budget when we don't have a stove! Yup, that's right. Ok, I do have crock pot (thanks Titi!), microwave (thanks super great sale at Target) and a hot plate (thanks pretty cool boss for letting me borrow it). But still and all, it would be easier (and a little cheaper) if I could cook on a stove.