Monday, February 16, 2009

Secret Lives...

It's amazing how little anyone can really KNOW about anyone else. I'm realizing more each day how much we censor ourselves as we walk through life. I read over my blogs, twitter posts, and Facebook status updates and felt like such a fake. There are so many holes that most people will never know about. There are things that I've said and done, emotions that I've felt, prayers that I've prayed, and struggles I've endured that will never be made public. And knowing this about myself I have to wonder how little I really know about my friends and acquaintances.

I have a few friends who I speak to a couple of times each week (some a few times everyday!) and while they know most of the day to day going ons of my life does any one of the know me 100%? No. A couple come close (Comadre and Mari, thanks for listening to WAY TOO MUCH INFORMATION about my life!) but others would have to all get together and connect the different puzzle pieces to get a better idea of who I am.

This scares me somewhat because I've begun to realize how trusting I can be. I'm trying not to be cynical, but can you really trust anyone to have an unbiased opinion about your life? My MySpace status currently starts off with "Walk a mile in my shoes? You wouldn't make it down the block" and I'm starting to think that I have to remind myself of this every time I open my mouth and trustingly reveal some secret truth about myself. For some, my life seems like a walk in the park on a warm spring day, but believe me, there have been enough tears to fill a decent sized swimming pool, and enough pain to warrant more than a couple of extra strength Tylenol! I've made my share of questionable choices and have lived to learn my lesson. I've had those closest to me, hurt me in ways that even afterwards seemed unlikely. And I've had plenty of good days too. I've laughed and smiled my fair share, but believe me, my happiness has been well deserved.

I'm sorry for sort of rambling here, but it is MY blog isn't it? This is just one of the many things on my mind after being disappointed by someone who I really care about over the weekend. I still love him and pray that we'll continue our friendship, but it'll take time before I'm really 100% over it. And it'll definitely take time before I can see him the way that I used to.

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